post op

surgery was scary shit, i must admit.
i mean one day, i was able to walk, run, and win medals for captains' ball and dodgeball, next day, im lying in bed the whole day, unable to move my right leg.
i thought i was well prepared for this pain and shit.
boy was i wrong.
i dint expect it to be this painful. its stupid to wish i hadnt gone for surgery.
now i have to live with this excruciating pain, and pray and hope that it will recover soon.
InsyaAllah.
friday, 27th february 2009, 11:30am.
the nurse pushed me from the ward to the operating theatre. when fahmi told me in detail, how it seemed like what we saw in movies, i got reminded of that. it was exactly what it looked like in the movies. i lie there on the bed as i got pushed along the hospital corridors, all i could see were lights and flashes of human passing by. i dint put on my contacts and i had to remove my specs. i was scared so halfway, i covered the blanket over my face. my mum said, jangan takutkan oranglah, nanti orang ingat nurse tu tengah tolak orang dah...
NVM.
at the doors to the OT, my mum couldnt enter. i was left alone. i was so freaking scared. i could hear people talking, people entering in and out of the doors, noone looked as thought they bothered. i was just another patient going for surgery, nothing new to them, nothing special. they see this everyday. 4 different nurses asked for my name and ic number 4 times.
then i met the anaestheticians. there were 2 of them. ive met one of them before during my pre-admission testing. he still can ask me, where do i usually row? i said pandan reservoir. that was the last thing i said before i went to sleep. when they finally transferred me to the operating room, THE REAL THING, there were lots of lights, lots of people in scrubs and masks and shower caps and gloves, nurses at the corner talking about a SALE going on, while i was worried shit about how they gonna put me to sleep. i felt my left wrist being meddled with. the anaesthetician strapped something really tight around my biceps it was so painful but i wasnt bothered by the pain, i was too worried to bother. then i felt a pinch, and then another. My legs started to feel numb. There was a tingling sensation that ran up my arms, they made me breathe into the mask. Breathe in deeply. Once, twice, just close your eyes when you feel like sleeping.
and poof, it became KOKO Krunch!haha. (yeah, aisyah laughing nowadays is hard to hear)
anyway, yes, it was really cool how they put me to sleep.but when i woke up, it was the most excrutiating pain ive ever felt, i cried i shivered i asked the nurses whats wrong with me, they gave me some painkillers, and then i was gone, again.
next thing i knew i was already in my ward.
u were right, fahmi- it felt like just in the movies, except that u cant feel pain when u watch movies.
u have no idea how excruciating the pain was. MasyaAllah, one thing i never want to go through again.
i remembered sleeping most of the time. i couldnt take the pain so i slept it off. and the head kept on spinning everytime my eyes opened. so i keep it closed. amazingly, i didnt purge, not even once, im gonna gloat abt it to steve at ssc tmr. haha.
thanks to everyone who came to visit me, its not everyday u get to see aisyah in beige pyjamas with laces in her most burok face. :)
i cant remember much right aft surgery: it was just too painful to stay awake.

post op day 1: i woke up like a dozen times while i was sleeping, checked my phone to see the time, went back to sleep, forced myself to sleep. first time overnight in the hospital. i remembered i had to pee in a bed pan that night, it was urgent. it was TOUGH. i took like 10mins to pee. i DONT WANT TO EVER DO THAT AGAIN. thats why the next morning when nature called again i demanded that they bring me to the toilet. so i had to sit on this wheelchair with the hole but going out of bed and onto the wheelchair was so torturous, MasyaAllah. things i dont want to remember.(delete.delete.) :(
i waited for my mum to come. they brought me to the rehab area where i was the only patient i swear below 30, even below 60 is possible. the physio made me do some exercises that was so painful i cheated. i know its for my own good but it was really UGH. then she taught me how to use the crutches, that was when it was so painful my head started spinning, i couldnt hear anything, i could see white lights, luckily they made me sit and drink quickly. then they sent me to my ward. cuz i was still weak. ugh.
later, they wheeled me to the xray to take an xray of my knee. that was the last station of the "walk around SGH" time for patients. exciting.
before discharge, the nurse changed my dressing. that was the first time i saw the wound. wait, i dint see it. i dint dare to. i know there's a long stitch somewhere, i chose not to remember. the nurse had to change my clothes for me as well. i felt like a big baby. the final torture session before home was going into the cab. MasyaAllah.
again, i dont wish to remember it.

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at home, i did the exercises diligently. i slept the whole of saturday. i woke up early sunday morning, dying to take a shower and brush my teeth which i havent done in 2 days. of all the pain that i had gone through, this morning's experience was the scariest. i wasnt used to crutching so after shower with the help of my maid, i tried to crutch back to my room but i couldnt. it was so painful, i couldnt hear anything, my vision started to turn white, i was shivering, i was sweating, my maid was so scared she said i looked so pale she dint know what to do. i sat down, took deep breaths, my maid rushed to get me a cup of water, MasyaAllah, i almost fainted, ive never felt that way before, it was so so so scary. MasyaAllah.
after that i spent half the day resting on bed, cuz i was so scared it might happen again, but in the afternoon, Alhamdullilah, I managed to walk a little with my crutches. And Alhamdullilah, I managed to pray.
I have 22 days of MC which means I will be missing loads of mid term tests and term paper deadlines. I have to travel regularly to SSC for rehab, get my range of motion back and start to learn to walk again. I pray that everything will be fine, InsyaAllah. I pray that I will stay strong and not give up. I just pray that I dont have to go tru this ever again once its over.

God, give me strength.