whats there to hide?
i was a cheater.
i was a liar.
its not that im proud of it.
im brutally honest,
that u must know.
ive had a bad past.
ive learnt to change.
i had been cheated on.
i had been lied to.
my life wasnt perfect.
my life isnt perfect.
i was an athlete.
i dream to be one again.
im nothing without sports,
u know that.
u just wont tell it to my face.
im tired of people being nice and lying to me.
ive been very, very patient with my injury.
the fever and deadly coughs are not making my life any better.
its gonna pass soon, i know.
its gonna take long, that i know too.
God is testing my patience.
Im grateful i have some to spare.
I would have died if i had given up hopes.
Im weak.
I dont trust anymore.
I dont think i'll fall in love anytime soon.
But i will learn to love again,
one day,
InsyaAllah.
My heart has gone through the toughest shit,
the most painful crap.
I dont want it to get beaten up
and shattered again.
letting go was the hardest thing i had to go thru,
apart from the stupid acl surgery.
first it was bcuz our religions disagree with one another,
then our mums dont approve of us.
whats next?
i cant wait.

i have dreams to achieve,
which i dont know if its even possible for me to achieve.
but they say,
if u dont believe in urself, who will?

he wasnt willing to go tru my dreams with me,

aim for something more rational, he says.

and, i was willing to wait for him, even if he took a decade.

noone doubts aisyah.

aisyah will prove them wrong.

im only 21.
or is it, im already 21?

i plan to travel the world,
change the world, if i can.
but its already so hard for me to change a person,
and i dream of changing the world.
who am i kidding.

maybe,
its just not meant to be.
it took me months to forget him.
yea, months.
thats how long ive been waiting to resume my life, too.
if it wasnt for faith, i would have gone mad.

Ive went through pain, not any 21 yr old would have gone through.
and now i've become stronger,
I hope.

now u know me.
what makes u think u can handle me?

im tired of you lying to me. can u PLEASE go lie to someone else, seriously.

ure a waste of time and space and effort. ure a waste of my life.
u cant keep to your words, even if it was for your own good. i mean seriously how hard is it to NOT SMOKE since uve not been smoking when we were together. and all i wanted for you to do is to friggin quit, for me at least. but NO. i guess whatever i said didnt friggin matter to you. then i wonder why i still bloody listen to what crap comes out from your filthy mouth. and u still dare doubt my abilities to reach my goal. and u put the blame on me making me the bad guy when all along it was you who had issues.

seriously boy, wake up your idea.

GROW UP.

im not lying abt the karma part.
it does happen whether u want it or not.
just becareful how life gives u back things u did to others.
been there done that.
dont say i dint warn you.

there you go, a waste of space even to mention about you.
im not even sorry im being crude.

---

AYG's over for me.
AYG makes me want to row again.
thats when it struck me like how an apple fell on Newton's head.
what the fish am i doing? im still 21. i was born an athlete. what am i doing here brooding abt a stupid leg injury and not doing anything abt it.

then the setan in my head will say, but what sport would want you? ure weak. ure so weak! who would want an acl tear patient for their sport?

AYG makes me feel young again.
at least 3 people thought im 19. i told them, lets keep it that way.
AYG athletes are hawt but looking at them and thinking "omg omg so hot so hot" makes me sound like a pedo! SO WRONG.

if you were to ask me whether i'd rather suffer my ass to organize something huge like AYG or to suffer my ass off to train for a big competition, i'd choose the latter. and ive made up my mind about that.

i should sleep the pain away.
yeah, sleep your existence away.