10 reasons why I should quit.

10. I hate the thought of waking up early to go to school instead of training.
9. I heard the school bell and cringe.
8. I stepped into the empty staff room, loving it empty.
7. I pulled out my lappy, plugged in my headphones and minded my own business, although i hear other teachers walk in and out. im a loner, i like it that way.
6. I attempted to finish up my slides but ended up searching about other non-work-related things like Rowing and Holidays and OTHER JOB OPPORTUNITIES. and this is not the first time.
5. I emailed my HOD to ask her to sign my leave for my trip to KL next week and she replied telling me that theres a staff meeting next week and I might not be able to go for the trip.

i know. i feel like crying.

4. I want to go to the Coaches Conference in UK next Jan, I want to go for the training camp in Australia in March, and I dont want to go tru the hassle of having to apply for leaves again. ever again.
3. I cant stand being rejected.
2. I know im better off as a coach, a personal trainer and as a rower. I KNOW.
1. I cant seem to tell myself to do these work. i just hate it. cant you tell?

The only thing that keeps me going is the pay. Maybe its not always about the money.
Should I take the risk of quitting?
Will I look back and regret?
Or will I be more awesome leaving?

OHMYGOD.
the decision of the year, i swear. :'(

to quit or not to quit;

you know what just got me thinking.
other than the fact that after i say this im gonna go berserk cuz my workload is 0.03% complete,
i got reminded of those days back during the sea games year when i almost gave up.
when i almost hanged my oars and did what other people do which is to live, as opposed to train every single friggin day.
but i hanged on to it no matter how much i hated it.
hated every single bit of it.
and because of that, i grew stronger,
more stubborn,
more oarsome,
and because of that,
i brought home a medal.
yes, that got me thinking.
WHY QUIT TEACHING NOW.
who knows i might be good at it.
i hate it now.
every single bit of it.
from lesson plans, to applying for leaves when i need to travel overseas,
to power point slides and reading textbooks i have sworn to myself never to touch again.
but maybe next year, i might look back and tell myself,
"THANK GOD I DIDNT QUIT."
or it could turn out the total opposite,
"SHIT I SHOULD HAVE QUIT!"
damn.
i didnt think of that.
okay back to square one.
good attempt at convincing yourself, aisyah.
10 points for that.

life has been so mundane that im starting to LIST things according to order of importance. okay bedek. more like what comes into my head first.

10 things. (tak habes habes dgn 10 things dier.) i realised its easier to list down things now. since ive become a teacher, lists are the new way of life. time to get organized baby. macam paham. my life's still a mess. OHMYGOD. bad role model, moe should just sack me.

10. you heard that right. MOE should just tell me,

"excuse me, ms aisyah, i think you're better of as a coach or rower or a trainer or any other occupation but not as a teacher. please leave."

will definitely make my life so much easier, i swear!

so i dont have to wreck my brain cells to decide whether i want to continue to teach or not. ugh. but NO, they gave me a hefty pay to bribe me to stay and my God. (Alhamdulillah, for that matter) the pay is SO DAMN GOOD. lol. and people around me are telling me to stay like one of my clients when she told me the other day that i should think about teaching cuz im pretty good at motivating people. but WHY DO I NOT LIKE IT I DONT EVEN KNOW. maybe i do know but im refusing to believe that they are the reasons why i dont like it cuz they are ridiculous, petty reasons.

like, the other teachers dont talk to me.

or, i hate kids. LOL.

i know right, do u feel like strangling me sometimes?

i HATE making decisions, for the love of God. WHY AM I SO FICKLE.

9. THOUGHTS OF QUITTING STILL HAUNTS ME.
ugh. since september you know. omg. im thinking of sean kingston. "She's indecisive, she cant decide." MEMANG.
if they had an award for being most indecisive person ever, i should soooo win it.
not that im proud of it or anything but REALLY. sometimes i wish i could just turn into a guy when it comes to making decisions. like how nadz went into NUM, picked up a pair of slippers and went on to pay for them without thinking whether there could be other designs which could be nicer than the pair he was holding on to in other shops, or other things in that shop that might interest him. NO. it was fast and furious. take and go. just take and go. (read: russell peters).

but then again, maybe not. thats what makes girls different. THE FACT THAT WE CANT DECIDE. love us or leave us. betul tak? chen de mah? chen de.
back to the work topic. YES OMG. i have this love/hate relationship with my job. i wish i could just quit, migrate and die alone in an island or something. ee, burok.

i should do the "which guy should i choose" method of making decisions we all used to do back in secondary school. list down the plus and minus points of teaching. and compare. but what if minus points outweigh the plus points and i end up quitting and regretting and moe will blacklist me and will never allow me to teach again when my plan B fails and i plan to go back to teaching. zomg. scary. a little help? hopeless siolz.


8. unnecessary stress, seriously.

and im supposed to prepare like 14 chapters of geog slides (woohoo!) and im at chapter 2. I KNOW RIGHT I AM SO DEAD. boo. i mean, the thought of reading the textbook makes me wanna sleep and you want me to preach these kids to love the subject? give me PE anytime and i'll make sure by the end of the yr, these kids will love running. but NO. geog > PE. UGH. people ask me why goeg. YOU DONT WANNA KNOW SEH. (actually, u might wanna know. its a funny story.

1. i took geog in A Levels, loved it, got a B for it.

2. took a geog module in uni, dint attend a single lecture, got an A for it.

3. i love clouds and rocks.)

these are the reasons why i wanted to teach geog. which obviously doesnt mean i like teaching geog, there must be a flaw in the interview sytem and recruitment criteria in moe.

BAAH.

7. BAAH reminds me of ebenezer scrooge from christmas carol and christmas is around the corner. I KNOW RIGHT. like END OF THE YEAR, ya'll. SO FAST AND FURIOUS LIKE TOKYO DRIFT!

"i wonder if we know how to live in tokyo if you see it and you mean it then you know you have to go. fast and furiousssssss tick tick tick!" (sings in an annoying high pitch voice).

and again, ive digressed and lost my train of thoughts. (and i just downloaded the tokyo drift ringtone into my iphone)

6. I AM AN IPHONE USER, ya'll. i have finally succummed to Apple's evil plan to take over the world but the iphone is so handy i dont know how i lived without it before i got it! okay bedek. too much, aisyah. its alright lah i guess. my free 12G never seemed to finish until i was so worried it was a once off offer i called starhub to ask whether its 12G every month of truout my 2 years contract with them. LOL. stupido.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WENT TRU TO GET MY HANDS ON THIS GADGET. 2 hours of queuing up, getting into a small squabble with a random stranger-cum-loserface, losingmy virginity of shouting at a stranger in public. MY GOD. the drama.

and i think i spent like close to $10 on apps i hardly use. (latest app bought: spongebob diner dash.) MAMPOS.

im gonna try to make MOE pay for my iphone. i mean, im gonna use google maps, GPS, and share with my kids. educational, no?

5. OH HAVE YOU TRIED THE NEW CHEESE AND CARAMEL POPCORN AT CITY LINK MALL? omg. SEDAPNAKMAMPOS pls. go try it.

nadz visited my blog on my iphone while we were queueing up for popcorn yesterday and it made me wonder whether people actually do read what shit i have to offer for the world on this blog although 99% of the time its nonsense and doesnt bring any form of benefit at all to any individual, i swear. i mean, who in the right mind would want to read about this 22 year old female being who probably has one of the most unexciting lives in the universe, right? :(

4. AM I THAT BORING? :(
to think about it, in the 22 years of my life, ive been tru so much, my goodness! grew up without a dad around, well he's around but i dont stay with him, and i actually didnt grow up to be rebellious, smoking, partying the night away, piercing my nose like a lembu, and deserve to be depicted in Anak Metropolitan V5.0 or something. hooray to my good choices of friends i actually turned out to be a pretty innocent person, yeah? been tru the best times in life like representing the nation, bringing home a medal, falling in love. in the other hand, went tru the worstttt times in life too like feeling like dying when i fell out of love, got cheated, cheated on others and felt like i deserve to just eat worms and die, grew fat, stopped rowing for a friggin yr, tore my ACL (OMG THIS TOPS THE LIST OF WORST THING TO HAPPEN IN MY LIFE). you see, my life's not that boring, it seems. YAY TO AISYAH.

that reminds me. let me recall.

having been mistaken as a sri lankan twice, burmese twice, "not from around here" many times, from saudi arabia once (i know right). never what my blood's made of: malay and chinese. my life (and face, for that matter) is pretty interesting, it seems. :)

3. TALKING ABOUT MY KNEE, OMG.
if choosing the wrong sport was a sin, tearing an ACL would be the ultimate punishment that God would never forgive and it would be irreversible. OMG. 26the dec 2008. almost 2 years have passed since that very day rasheilla kicked my knee and i screamed like the world's gonna collapse on me. 27th feb 2009. a yr and a half since i said hello to my new ligament which hasnt been behaving like how its supposed to. its affecting my trainings, i cant run anymore, it hurts to play soccer. basically, im doomed, my dreams are crushed. WAH SO PEESIMISTIC. boo!
it just wont friggin recuperate. and the most annoying thing is that noone knows why. :(

2. okay look on the bright side. ummm.
lemme think of something nice to say to myself.
at least i still have 2 awesome looking imbalance legs where the right calf is smaller than the left! woohoo. all i want for chirstmas, is for my knee to get muchos better. can? :(

christmas reminds me of Love Actually, you know that scene when mark expressed his love to juliet. OMG MOST ROMANTIC SCENE EVER PLEASE I'LL JUST MELT AND DIE. dah, cukup.



1. talking about love.

when it comes to love, age is just a number. lets go prove people wrong baby. and like they say,

"sometimes you gotta quit thinking so much. if it feels right, it probably is.

so just go with it."

10 things.

1. Down with migraine and lousy cramps. Googled them and got : Menstrual Migraine.
PMS. check.
nausea. check.
bloatedness. check.
late onset of period. check.
feeling like a total shit. check.
vomitting my breakfast, lunch and dinner last night. check.
letting the world know that im having menstrual migraine. check.

2. waking up at 11.30am feeling grogggggyyyyyyyy. sucks.
i hate wasting my mornings.

3. having 1,000,000 things to do but spent the last 3 hours lying on bed telling myself that im sick and its okay not to be doing work and i will do it tomorrow or the next day when i feel better, knowing that the next few days i will be so packed with activities i know i wont have time to do but im just lying to myself that i will get work done then.
in other word: to PROCRASTINATE.

4. wondering whether the guy you love loves you back the same way u love them. feeling feeling 18 again. (must be the stupid PMS. ugh.)

5. having this immense need to WHINE MY HEART, LUNGS, THROAT, GUTS OUT to someone.

6. replying text messages with ":(" just cuz you dont know what to say and you just feel that way :(

7. :(

8. cant even think of 10 things to spill. the migraine virus must have eaten up 3,486,293 of my brain cells.

9. i want to train but i shall stop being stubborn once in a while and REST. or should i train? no. rest. but i need to sweat it out. NO REST. TRAIN. REST.
UGH. i hate being sick :(

10. telling myself that i should just stop feeling sad and be awesome instead.
the lies you try to tell yourself.