i've got a feeling.
that tonight's gonna be a good night.

haha. the song's stuck in my head.
and the video too. WATCH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvljD0toJmU
its amazingggg.
haha. makes u feel...
err,
good.

not like studying.
the thought of studying just makes you feel
not good,
at all.
ugh.

(thus, im taking this short break to write.)

im such a role model student, aren't i?
i'll be out of the school next yr.
cant wait cant wait.
on the other hand,
school makes u feel safe.
somehow.
dont u think?
sigh.
why cant we pretend we're still in secondary school,
where theres nothing to worry about but
whether the guy is hot or not,
which team will we be meeting in the tournament,
whether our socks are high and skirts are not too short,
and whether we've done enuf 10 yr series.
i hate growing up,
too fast :(

i went for an moe interview last week.
YES MOE. haha. i know i dont have the slightest passion to teach,
but coaching, absolutely.
so im gonna give it a go on the PDGE and teach PE and umm,
another subject which i havent thought abt it yet.
malay, maybe? hahaha!
i learnt that doesnt mean ure good at netball, u can be a good netball coach.
similarly, doesnt mean i got an A1 for higher malay, i can be a good malay teacher, no? heh.
i wasnt prepared for the interview at all. i dont know why i dint bother. its quite scary actually, the fact that i went for a job interview not feeling a tinge of worry,
not until when i was outside the interview room.
then i started to wake up and was like,
OMG. ITS A REAL INTERVIEW.
and started to panic.

i didnt read tru the list of interview tips b4 that.
i didnt go tru lists of questions they were gonna ask.
all i did was,
be myself. (chey mcm paham. but seriously, nil preps except for bringing my certs.)
there were three of them sitting in front of me.
first mistake i did, which i found out after the interview after reading tru some interview tips, was that i placed my arms on the table. HAHAHAHA. can u believe it i actually did that? zomg.
i shook their hands, and dint sit down until i was told. that, i passed. :)
the interviewers had some problems smiling, so i had to do smtg abt it. i made them laughed. plus point? haha.
it went pretty well actually. i left the room feeling,
satisfied,
considering that i had such minimal preperations.

and i got an sms recently saying that they'll be giving me a letter of offer for teaching position. how cool.
aisyah's interview tip #1: be yourself. :):):)

i dont know what shit made me want to join the teaching industry but when i looked at the courses the PDGE (PE) had, it made me excited. :)
career tip #16: find something to do that makes you tick. what makes you tick?
there you go.

like why do i bother waking up at 5am every tuesday to travel all the way to marymount to coach netball to a bunch of annoying p3s for 8 consequtive weeks?
the kids drain and suck the energy out of you butttt..
its the feeling i get when i leave the school after the session.
aww.

hahaha. omg. this is so weird.
i actually have a passion for something other than rowing. HAHAHA.

and talking about rowing.
i dont know whether i want in back.
of cuz definitely i would love to row again.
but looking at the path that i have just paved before me,
i dont know if im able to become the steel-hearted, girl who lost 8kg, determined, passionate, almost crazy, rower that i once was. wait, no. i dont know if i WANT to become that person again.

i know! its scary to say such things. rowing was part of my life for 4 yrs and to say such things is like dumping an ex boyfriend and biting him behind his back. how rude of me! :(

but cormac's pulling me into another sport and hopefully if all goes well, who knows i may be just the next Olympian. HAHAHA.
dont even get me started on silat.
i still have this burning desire to fight.
grr.

my knee's getting muchos better. Alhamdullilah. thank you to every single person who had been there for me. you know who you are :)

what's next?
looking at short term events, the exams are just round the corner. i dont know if its just me but this sem went past a bit too fast. dont u think so? scary.
and next sem is my last sem in nus.
zomg.
i've already planned out my post-exam activities, but not for exams.
i know.
im such a lazy bum bum.
kill me. :(

and i was just thinking,
if theres one thing i want to change in this world,
is for people to stop lying and stop cheating their partners.
spread love, not lies.

oh well.

okok, i shall go back to studying.
check out the vid yea. :)
worth yr 4mins, trust me.

oh and i realised i dint even mention about guys.
pats on my back.

aisyah g.

of lying and getting hurt;

sometimes i wonder if there's a limit to how much a person can cry.
can u really get blind by crying too much?
im worried.
my eyes friggin hurt from too much unnecessary crying.
and they get swollen and red.
and the pain stings.

and when your face is burnt.
and when the tears start rolling down your cheeks.
its like getting a double whammy.
not a good thing.

sometimes, some people are just not worth your tears.
i've come to realise that.
its about time huh.
oh well.

people around me are getting attached.
people i used to date are getting engaged.
no, im not jealous.
not at all.
i dont want to get attached or engaged,
not now.
im happy for them. i really am :)

i just wonder why do i have to go tru so much pain for,
for something i dont even know i can get at the end of this struggle.
and i dont know why im still here fighting,
when i can call it quits anytime i want.

lying is a bad habit.
when u start,
u cant stop.
it goes on and on and on.

i dont even remember lying to you.
i dont think i ever did.
not to say im an angel,
i know the things i say scar you.
but i dont lie to you.
its one thing ive stopped doing,
even after what u did to me.
because i know how much pain is caused when someone lies.

but i just dont understand why you have to lie to me.
its just not fair, isnt it?

i can take any form of pain.
incessant scoldings and harsh words thrown from a particular someone, being unnoticed or insignificant or easily forgotten, i can take and have taken the pain of an acl reconstruction.
but when u lie,
its just,
i dont know.

its even more painful than the 6 months of rehab i had to go tru for my knee.
and u know the post-surgery was the most painful moments in my life.
so can u imagine the damage a lie can cause?

cant be so baaadd! you may think.
because the people whom you love and care for you so dearly has never done it to you.
until u get to taste the pain of being lied to,
you'll never know how it feels like.

even if its some small petty issue.
lying is not a small petty issue.
not to me.

when we were together, i told the world i was with you.
when we broke apart, i was afraid of telling the world what you did to me,
because you were my world.

its not that i dont tell people the good side of you.
its just that u dont know.

i wish you'll just stop lying to me.
that's all i ask for.