gratitude

eh, i think these days i deserve some whack in the head or something, seriously.

firstly, i must apologize for forgetting thanking EVERYONE.

which i should have done weeks ago.
sheesh.
im so lousy.

dearest friends and family,

and to whoever out there who have given me all your support, love, care, concern and all your prayers when i was in thailand for the sea games. i wanna say THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart which beats at 49 beats per minute as recorded last in november.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

i cannot be more grateful than to have a bunch of people like YOU around.

(eh i think if i were to die and my heart were to be donated to someone, that person must be damn lucky to have a heart like mine.
HAHAHA.
im serious!
dont u think so?
ANYWAY.)

thank you MAK!

u nag alot, like seriously ALOT, mak, but that what makes u a MUM i think. okay, and sorry im the laziest dauhgter in the world and i dont do housework and i cant bloody cook, i know i know. but thank you anyway for allowing me to go for training every single morning. thats good enough. :) and when i was in thailand i know uve been praying for me everyday. thats why i came back not only in one piece but with a medal. thank you, mak!!!

thank you dad,

for your constant prayers for me. even though ure hardly there for me i know u always care for me and love me. i hope i made u one proud daddy. :)

thank you to my brothers,

for constantly reminding me that u guys have one fat sister. it gives me motivation to lose weight. thank you for calling me fat and always pinching my fats and making me feel offended and FAT. thank you, guys, really.
hahahaha.
the medal's for you guys.
most annoying creatures,
but most loved. :)
omg, isnt ur sister so damn bloody sweet?
and fat?
okay fine.

thank you rowing association,

for giving me this opportunity to represent the nation. for giving me a boat to row on, for giving me a reservoir to row in, and for all the trips everywhere around the world.
but no thank you for the very little allowance i get, and nothing else after the sea games. not even $10 to top up my ezlink.
haha.
oh well.

thank you fahma,

feels good telling the world i have a personal nutritionist/dietician. u are never stingy on giving me free resources from sports council. thank you for all the breeze juices, beroccas, gatorades, chewy bars, weider in jellys, power bars and the liquid diets. i shall see u again soon.
once a lightweight, always a lightweight. :)

thank you hazi,

for being my bitching partner and my shoulder to cry on, even though i have to bend down so low to cry on ur shoulders. i dont know what i'll do without you, seriously.
FASTER COME BACK.
aitez!
HAHAHAHAHA.

thank you shaik,

for always being there for me. thank you for always listening to me whine and complain and whine and complain and whine and complain and yeah, i know i never stop but u never stop listening. thank you for believing in me.

thank you coach,

for scaring the shit out of me the first time u arrived and coached us. haha. seriously u were bloody scary and fierce and ur trainings were tough SHIT HELL TOUGH and i thought u were crazy and i still think u are but THANK YOU THE MOST for making me who i was at the games. without ur shouting and scolding i wouldnt have won that medal. thank you for all those night walks around the hotel. it was the best moments when i was there. thank you for sharing with me so many things. and thank you for believing in me.
and thank you for not allowing me to quit rowing. there goes my plans. huuuhah!
craziest and coolest coach ive ever had. please come back.

thank you saiful,
for being my motivation from across the straits of malacca. thinking of u makes me PULL harder. and of cuz, thank u for always believing in me. ure my most expensive sms buddy still u know. hahaha. :)


thank you friends,
arina, ama, hazri, izzaty, elly, nadd, filzah, nadia, rauf, shahul, khairul, izzat, sha, raf, shuying, haida, walid, amirah, atiqah, mimi, mimin, omg, omg, omg, plenty, EVERYONE!!!

THANK YOU for your prayers and support.
and LOVE.
so much of it.

THANK YOU.

omg im gonna cry.

...

second reason why i deserve a whacking in the head is because i volunteered myself to be the Project Director for the upcoming PBM project.
they say aisyah kan orang laut, this is so not me.
u know what?
i couldnt agree more.
but okay since im already PD, lets prove them that rowers have brains too.

and thirdly,
i was writing this ridiculously long email
and my stupid internet connection just went dead
and everything was gone.
BEST tak?
oh, memang best.

...

next week aisyah gi holiday pat KL.
yay.
PD pergi holiday?
hmph.

sea games 2007

welcome to the year of unexpected events.

HADY MIRZA has just been crowned the first Asian's Idol.

Singaporean, Malay.

Im proud of him. so so proud.

did u see the look on his face?

PRICELESS.

and a few days back,

the singapore flag flew high at mabprachan lake, thailand.

a moment like this,

some people wait a lifetime.

but i waited for only 19 years. booyah.

OMG.

tell me about it.

after a year of training, through all those
shit
pain
blood
hell
masochistic
trainings, every drop of tears shed, every ounce of sweat, the incessant complaining and whining, cursing, swearing, getting shouted at, hated, despised, waking up at 5am every morning. 334 days. 1008 hours. 3600km. 345000 strokes. 668000 litres of water. the dieting, the starving. the meal plans. yogurts. bananas. chewy bars. power bars. boost. resource. weider. gatorade. pocari sweat. centrum. berocca.

omg omg omg.

its over.

and to bloody think of it,

I ALMOST GAVE UP. I ALMOST QUIT. I ALMOST STOPPED ROWING.

OMG.

i still cant get over it, like how much i cant get over the fact that hady mirza won the asian idol.

it was funny, really. i was lying on the couch, watching tv with my brothers, and i was slumberly commenting, "skali hady menang.." SHIT, i swear i did.

and he won.

thanks to minah mulut masin ni.

OKAY.

THERES SO MANY TO TELL YOU.

firstly,

i wasnt at the opening ceremony so if u saw me on tv during the opening ceremony, either something is wrong with ur eyes or ure lying. i was at chonburi somewhere in pattaya. the ceremony was held at korat, in bangkok. and i dint stay in the games village cuz thats at korat. chonburian athletes stayed in this humongous hotel:

Ambassador City, Jomtien. they call it a city, instead of a hotel for one obvious reason. coach said its one of the biggest hotels in the world. check out the Tower Wing. and its only one of the FIVE wings they have. its a whole city in there!

yep, they have 4 swimming pools. and yes, it faces the beach.

elsie tengah jiwang.

the poolside beach.

invaded by fat, heeeeuge! russians with layers and layers of fats and flubber and extra extra babbats in bikinis and g strings. i swear, G STRINGS. male and female, g strings. OH! playing volleyball. gross nak mampos.

the view is simply gorgeous lah.

thats coach.
she became my best friend in thailand.

we went for many adventure walks almost every night after dinner. the hotel was SO HUGE we spent nights exploring the whole area. we walked around the hotel, discovered secret rooms, went into forbidden places and the best was star gazing. we even saw a shooting star once. omg. i swear it was so so pretty, we were so excited about it. damn, it was fun. after my final race, she had to rush off to the airport to catch her flight back to new zealand. we hugged and cried and cried and cried. she can be the fiercest coach ive ever had, she pushed me like crazy, screamed at me, scolded me, made me cry, made me almost quit, gave me the worst time of my life, i hated her guts, cursed her silently, wished she dint exist, but omg, i miss her. she totally changed my life. without her, i dont think the medal would be possible. she said she wouldnt allow me to quit rowing after sea games. oh no.

she almost pulled me out from my single lightweight event cuz she wanted me to focus on my doubles event. omg, SHE ALMOST PULLED ME OUT FROM MY RACE.

okay, i was put into 2 events, the singles lightweight and the doubles open (with elsie). these 2 races happen to fall on the same day, both the heats and the finals. thats why coach thought i had no chance for a medal at all in my singles and wanted me to row in the doubles open only. well, noone thought i would have a chance of winning a medal in my singles, anyway.

this was the results for the Repercharge race where last rower gets eliminated and the rest qualifies for finals. i came in first. before the race, coach said DONT YOU DARE COME IN LAST. noone expected me to get first.

it was a good race, i had a good start. the waters were calm. well, not really flat, but coach called it AISYAH's water. cuz i hate the waves. i cant row in bad water condition. so thank God, Alhamdullilah, during my race, the water was Aisyah's water - almost perfect.

if coach had agreed on pulling me out from my singles race, this wouldnt have been possible:

so Syukur Alhamdullilah. she dint pull me out from my race. and with that, i got a bronze medal. i kept my promise to my friends and family;

i came home a winner. :)

it didnt matter what colour the medal was.

and it didnt matter how awful and oh so selenger i look in that track suit!

does it?

i swear i couldnt stop smiling after the Finals. SO EXCITED.

weeee-ner. hahaha. told u i was so happy nak mampos.

so after i won, everyone wanted to take a photo wimme. or is it the other way round? hahaha. taktau malu.

lightweight singles men bronze medalist.
red and white, HO HO guess what country hes from!

mr gold medalist.

nicholas, the boss.
HEY, he hugged me okay. haha.

i have thai fans, okay. :)

and my favourite people, the Malaysians. :)

okay, so after the races, we went out to town.
we dint do much shopping tho. :(

Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum

and the haunted house,

which made me cry.

i hate haunted houses. :'(

sorry i couldnt bring home my new boyfriend.

then we went to watch the equastrian.
the sport for the filthy rich.

a horse can cost up to ten million USD.

a cacat horse is priceless.

then we went to a balloon fair.

where i saw this disgusting delicacy. they eat these stuff. YUCK.

for dinner we had halal seafood. check out the menu.

CHICKEK!! made me burst out laughing. i swear.

okay kan aisyah lazy to write already. so just enjoy the pictures lah. haha.

mom was proud. :)

elsie, my partner.

and all of us from team singapore.

YAY. :) :) :)

okay, im so sleepy right now, i'll update more soon. taaa.

in camp training

5 more days to exams.
13 more days to the sea games.
aisyah's not staying at home anymore.
thanks to training camp.
tonight will be my 5th night here at my trng cntr.
im doing pretty okay.
cant u see the smile on my face?
trainings getting shit loads tough.
and so am i.
uhhuh :)
this afternoon coach gave us off for the first time!
i went to ntuc alone to replenish my food stock.
its like a home here i swear.

i have a huge driveway.

it takes me 20 mins to walk out of my driveway!
check it out.

arent u jealous?
hdb houses dont have their own driveways.
u want a sea side home?
i have a RESERVOIR side house!

i bet ure alr insanely jealous of me.
freshwater fishes swim in my reservoir.
hello? i provide water to ur homes? PUB's my best buddy.
how about luscious greenery? u have a park next to ur house?
mine's a jungle and a swamp! beat that!
comes with various species of tortoises, crabs and komodo dragons!
even sungei buluh nature reserve's eyeing on my animal kingdom.
my room's like an office. LOOK.

well it is an office but its my room, so shut up, i say its a room, it is a room, okay?
if its not messy and disorganized, its not my room.
so there you go.

(spot Giraffe!)

and look my bed.

YOU DINT KNOW?
massage beds are the in-thing, hello!
and quilts are so old fashioned.
sleeping bags are the latest craze.
hoho. i bet ure pretty envious of me!

look what i found!
a box filled with medals!

i could sell them off to under achievers who never won a medal in their lives before.

i bet theres plenty of them around!
i can be rich!!

im sorry guys.

u cant stay here, too bad.
u need to be a rower.
gain national status.
row every morning.
go for core trainings.
which makes u do squats like they're the best exercises on earth.

but core trainings make my tummy look good :)
try a 2 mins half squat.
i almost died.

nice things dont come easy peasy.
coach say u wont die.
she wont let u die.
so tell me whats before death?
PAIN. what else?

oh thats not me.
thats someone who lives here at the trng cntr.
she's pretty crazy, cant u tell?
look what rowing has done to her poor mind.
turned her mental.
thats her pet giraffe, Giraffe.
it shits gold glitter.
never wear dark coloured clothes near Giraffe.

i miss mommy.

i went to the Anggun hi tea with her that day and guess who i met?

SYED AZMIR!
im not a fan but we were alone at the buffet table so i thought why not just snap a photo with him. exciting kan?

and YELLOW IS officially SO UGLY.

thats nadia, my cousin. i think we look alike, dont u think?

we were forced to wear those awful yellow baju. :(

and i thought u might wanna see some pics from my recent thailand trip.
look at those poor animals! they're items on sale at a pasar malam!

and the sign was the ultimate.

PLEASE OBEY THE RULES!

and i shall mug away,

of quitters and losers.

they say its okay to lose, as long as u dont quit.
bullshit.

i know i havent updated for ages, wei like anyone gives a damn abt me.

hmph.

i am currently and have been feeling UTTERLY DEPRESSED since, since God knows when.
okay maybe not in the extreme depressed state because from what i have learnt in psychology, patients of depression are REALLY scary. but still, this is depression at its mildest, everything is officially SHITTY right now, even the state of my shit, literally. it must have been the oranges i ate last night and the glass of milk. sheesh.

pfft.

okay, if u happen not to know and actually is interested to find out what aisyah has been up to, i almost quit rowing. like quit as in stop forever and not row anymore. im bloody serious. i wrote to the rowing association my letter of 'resignation' like its some kind of low paying job slash LABOUR. and it took me like 2 full days to really think about it and not send the letter, finally deciding to just row for another few more weeks until the sea games and then say bye bye. hello, saiyidah aisyah binte mohamed rafa'ee THE ROWER almost quit rowing. now THATS big news.

okay, tell u what happened lah k.
so u know that we have a new coach. her training is like waaaaay tougher than our previous coach's. thats one of the reason why i was thinking abt quitting. okay, call me a weakling loser piece of shit and oh, quitter, but okay u see, if i was a full time rower with no school and family to care about, i dont mind but to these kind of people, rowing is life and nothing else. she made trng start at 6.30 which means i have to take the first train in the morning and dont even remind me what time i have to wake up! and dont get my started of having to do assignments until early morning and to wake up like a few minutes after i fall asleep. okay happened to me for 2 nights when i dint sleep the whole night and went training the next day, went to school after that and did my work until the next night and slept for an hour and went trng after that.

NAK MAMPOS.

then we went to thailand for competition. i dint get to go korea cuz my weight dint make the cut, that part u know right. i did not regret not being able to go korea cuz i was in singapore and happily celebrating hari raya with my famly and getting plenty amount of money! so that was a long time ago story. so i did went to thailand, managed to starve myself to lose weight and compete. and im sorry my fellow rowermates havent uploaded the photos yet so no photos yaaar. huhu.

okay then hor, in thailand, i competed in singles and doubles event. for the preliminary races, i came in 3rd for my singles and 2nd for my doubles. i was pretty happy, but cannot be so happy and overconfident. SALTY MOUTH. during the finals i dont know what shit happened to me that day, i came in 3rd for my singles but almost lost to the 4th girl by like one second, if i had lost i think i would be slaughtered by coach and kicked out of the team (which i dont mind happening to me right now!) and the doubles, GOD, donno lah what shit what not we came in 4th losing to the 3rd boat by like a few seconds. my partner was so pissed with me, she dint talk to me the whole day and i cried for like an hour. im not exaggerating. it was the worst feeling in the world at that moment, i swear. i felt so down truout the whole day it was even hard for me to smile during the medal presentation.

i dont wanna think about it. :(

anyhoo, after my races were over, i get to eat eat eat and the hotel we stayed in had good good food which i have been deprived of since i arrived. we went bowling, go karting and what else if not shopping and oh as usual the guys werent really excited abt shopping so yah, same old shit.
so it wasnt really an exciting trip i must say. and im getting bored of thailand.

and bored of rowing too.

especially when we went back to spore. it was when life started to become so gloomy moomy. i had to sit for so many bloody tests and finish up so many assignments, thus the late night sleep and ultra depressed mode. HAISH. and since that thailand trip lah my partner has been so hostile towards me and so bloody fierce, im actually scared of her more than im scared of my coach! u should see her scream at me when we row together, bloody hell, it could make me pee in my pants i swear. then training bcame more and more torturous. now not only do i have to endure crazy training programmes, i have a scary partner to sit through every bloody morning of my life, getting scolded every single day, receiving complains and nags, spoiling my mood and having to live through that mood for the rest of my day. shit, life was really tough i swear. and after that period of time when i was so crammed up with shit loads of work to do and dint come for ONE training session cuz i was just so so tired after 2 continuous sleepless nights things got WORSE. that morning, (sheesh how can i forget) my partner scolded me, screamed at me, u really dont wanna know what she said but it made me SO wanna quit like right there and then. Masyaallah.

and in rowing right, even if u come for training every single day of ur shitty life and skip just one bloody morning just because u havent slept for 2 days straight, they'll remember that day that u skip but never the days u came for trng.

oh like that day when i stayed over at hazi's hostel to finish up our project and i slept for only an hour and the nxt morning i couldnt find a cab outside nus to take to my trng cntr and that made me an hour late for trng and coach was so so pissed u should see her face! then i had a good scolding abt being dishonest and lazy and what not. boring.

so yah, since that day right, i was having happy thoughts about quitting. seriously i was estactic i must say! i have already planned what im gonna do without rowing, how beautiful life would be. imagine a free and happy aisyah. imagine aisyah without her usual, "i have training" reasons not to spend time with you. imgaine aisyah the ex-rower. hmm. best kan? anyway if i quit also my partner wouldnt have to waste anymore of her energy on shouting at me, coach wouldnt have to waste her time on me, she even said once what, "u dont deserve any of my time". im doing these ppl a favour. then i told my kwn kwn and my brothers about my plans, i cried, i whined, i complained. hmm. and everyone i talked to told me to think about it again.

they must think im crazy to give up right now.

then someone threw a boat on my head.

i read my previous blog entries, especially when i met with the stupid bicycle accident and couldnt row for like a month. drg that time i was hoping and wishing and praying hard that i could heal, just so that i could row again.

then an oar landed on my head.

ive been through a year of SHIT, and i wanna quit just a month before the games? WHAT THE HELL was i thinking!

Masyaallah!

so i decided to continue rowing. i decided to tahan until the sea games. TAHAN's the word. so since im still rowing, why not i put the effort to work hard, well its not like ive not been working hard but well just an extra litle more effort. who cares about what people say to me or about me. i row cuz i wanna row and ive been doing this for a whole bloody year and i just want to finish wat i started.

so right now, aisyah is still the rower. i wont quit, not now, not yet. lets live through these last days of rowing, maybe enjoy trng or something, smile when pain seeps into my body, laugh when i feel like dying, cry when theres no more pain. i want more pain.

gimme gimme MOAH gimme MOAH gimme gimme MOAH!

hmm. why not kan.

then i shall race, and after that, become free like a burung.

and i just received the bestest news in the world! coach wants me and my partner to stay over at pandan with her until the games! HOW EXCITING, guys! i cant wait! it will be the best days of my life, weee!

...

so if u happen to think ure living the worst life in the world, think of me,

it'll make u feel so grateful u arent living a life like mine, i promise. :)

lets tahan a bit more, aisyah.

lalalala~

raya pics!

well said.

aisyah's in a lazy mood. im so lazy i dont wanna unpress that 'align centre' button.

so lets just post pictures.

aisyah's supposed to be studying. mummy said dah masok nus asik online jer.

dont retaliate, u just asked for her forgiveness yesterday.

hari raya turned out pretty okay.

yay.

that was me at geylang looking retarded as usual.

that was my baju on the first day of raya.

and my kasut raya. lawaaaa kan?

then on the 2nd day we turned the house into a studio.

SO EXCITING.

look!

just check out my mum's face.

she's so semangat, takleh angkat seh.

and okay i know im pretty boring.

fine.

and sorry bout my nenek.

she looks moody,

she must be wondering why she's living witha bunch of hooligans.

baaahhh.

okay thats it i guess.

school tomorrow.

strawberry milkshake here i come!