random injury

so on wednesday (today is friday), I had this sharp pain on the right side of my abs, the obliques area, while rowing. i thought it was a stitch and ignored it. but in ten years (coming to 11 yrs can u believe it?) i've never had stitches while rowing before. the pain persisted even after rowing, and it ached when i walked. on thursday, i thought i should get it checked so i went to pay a visit to dr cormac's new and posh clinic cuz the sports council didnt had a dr that day (how sad is that?) and it was nice to see my fave dr again! he is still the same old. even the way he designed his office is the same. how i wish all doctors are like him. he really spends his precious time with each of his patient, which most doctors over-look cuz they think they dont have enough time to know their patients (i might be wrong cuz im not a doctor so this is a generalised statement). anyway, (whats up with the parentheses?) so yea, the diagnosis was that there is a wee bit of swelling around the right rib area where my obliques are. the dr wasnt sure if it was caused by the bone or the muscle but definitely not a stitch and THANK GOD it wasnt appendicitis (cuz i googled signs of appendicitis and i matched like 50% of the signs). dr said it could be caused by my drastic weight loss which led to lower bone density and thus causing lots of stress on the bone and the area around it (something like that).

so yeah, thought i'd jot this down because it might occur again in the future and i would know what it is. not just some random injury on my abs.

i ran today, it didnt hurt a bit and im happy cuz i have a staff race today and im out to win (i mean who joins a race for fun right?) LOL.

Fasting.

This fasting month, I try to be strong. I tell myself that it'll make me stronger. It will, InsyaAllah. But as I sit here in front of my laptop, waiting for the time to pass as it inches its way second, by second. 9hours. Counting down the hours- Its religiously wrong, but sometimes its mentally healing. I sound like the weakest Muslim in the world. But sometimes, it is just so hard to live through the day after a hard training at 6am in the morning. Especially today. Today is exceptionally tiring, MasyaAllah. Honestly, I feel like just chucking myself under my desk and take a nap, where noone can see me there. I try to be strong. I will not give in to thirst and lethargy. It's hard but I'll get through this. I will.

Courage.

Word of the week.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

I really like that.

This week, I've told my boss, my boss's boss and my colleagues about me taking a 12-weeks break from work. It took a whole lot of courage to do that. Why?
Because I am afraid of rejection.
I am afraid of people bringing me down with their words.
But I shouldn't be right?

I was walking around Causeway Point yesterday, one of those rare days I'm alone, and even rarer that I'm at CWP alone. And I thought to myself as I see this large amount of people as they pass me by, I'm not like them. I wake up at 530am everyday to train. I dont have time to chill, or relax, or enjoy, or shop. I'm different. And I think that's what makes my life so, special. So fulfilled. Being different from most of the people around me. Not superior. I don't think I'm superior in anyway. I just like the feeling that I'm different and that I have achieved so much in my life and I think I'm cool like that. LOL. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all the things that have happened to me. Good, bad, horrible, amazing. I think life has its way of teaching us things we never thought we can learn from schools or from textbooks, or from the internet. And I'm grateful for this womderful sport that have changed my life altogether. I dont ever think I can be the same without this Rowing.

So, as I told my colleagues about my decision to leave them, I'm so grateful that they understand. Although I know it will be tough on them for a bit as they have to share the burden that I'm leaving but I think it eases my heart a bit to know that they are supporting me.

When I left MOE, it was an easy peasy decision to make cuz I didn't enjoy my life there. My colleagues were horrible, their friendliness were fake as hell and my job wasnt satisfying. I love my job here, I love my colleagues. I love the fact that I can train and work. Although even that took a lot of courage to seek for allowance to do so. But I guess if I don't make the effort, or if I don't step forward, I will never move. I will never improve. I will never win.

I will fully accept that every action I make has its consequence. There will be more work when I come back. Definitely. I guess I have to do what I ought to do. Right now, its to train so hard that in SEA Games, I am unbeatable. I wanna be that. And I will be that. InsyaAllah.