Yes it's 1 am and yes I know I should be sleeping cuz I have training tmr morning but I feel like updating.
And the fact that I'm still pretty wide awake at this ungodly hour, that's pretty amazing, considering that I am not a night person at all.
Okay so I just got back from doing something that I know I shouldn't be doing but being the most stubborn person ever I went for it and yes it was nice and fun and it has been a long time since I did it but I hate hate hate getting injured from it :(
and I'm not gonna tell you what it is because if my coach ever finds out about this, I am so dead I swear.
and yes talking bout the new coach, we've been training almost twice a day since he arrived last sat. I know Im a full-time athlete and I shouldn't be complaining but it has been pretty hard to stay alive. Besides the fatigue that I feel before, during and after every training (which basically means I feel tired all the time) omg I'm going broke. The part time jobs have been supporting my travelling and food expenses. Anything beyond that is burning a hole in my pocket and it's scary how this might actually affect my dreams.
I know this is crazy but I've been thinking alot about it lately.
I'm having doubts and doubts are not good.
you know. What if this is not what I want? What if I need to work cuz this is not going well for me? What if I have to forgo my dreams to achieve something else? Maybe I won't be the Olympian but I'm an important factor to make someone else be one.
over thinking kills you sometimes.
but it's scary when I actually think of it.
I'm 23.
jobless.
broke.
:(
okay let's not think too much.
I guess I've chosen this path and might as well do my best to achieve something great out of it.
okay training. Like I said it's been pretty hard, both on my singles and the pair. Sometimes I get really tired, sometimes my knee starts to hurt (yes, again :((() sometimes I just lose all motivation whatsoever to train. :(
and the more i tape my hands the more blisters seem to form, my hands look disgusting now. :(
I'm such a lousy athlete omg.
but really, it has been painful.
two reasons for me to push on.
1. the fact that I quit my job for this.
2. Nadzrie.
I swear he has been the most patient bf ever. Withstanding my mood swings and utmost stubbornness and still never leaving my side.
makes me feel like a lousy gf too.
okay so last thing I wanted to say was that I passed my driving test (YAY!!!)
Ok no more stubbornness for now.
Someone out there will be saying to himself, "told you so".
hmph.
