le bf still in KL.

GAAAAAAH. so his car went dead on sunday and it was sent to a workshop and it will take 3 days to repair and so he's still there and will only come back tmr. and i've actually survived 5 days without him! SURVIVOR. okay so, its like 10am and im at work. and i realize my desk is atrociously (is that how u spell it?) messy and i cant seem to start on work so I'm gonna sit here, release my mind off things (like the irritz fact that he's still in KL) and calm down, dig my nose, give myself a shoulder massage. and there. im good? had a jog this morning with my bloody annoying creaking knee but managed to complete 5 rounds and a few crunches. like a loser. cant do much cuz theres gym today. thats what i tell myself. stupid excuses, seriously. 15 things on my TO-DO list. 7 hours. u know what? i realized i cant just sit here and expect things to happen. i gotta make it happen. like rowing, or sailing, or work, or even getting my fat ass for a jog. i cant expect it to jump out of the seat and run, i gotta do it. and its a matter of whether i wanna do it or not. yeah. so im gonna stop saying impossible because nothing is impossible and im sure theres a way to every single thing in life, even money. im gonna say YES YES YES. and watching justin bieber's boyfriend video is like seeing a lesbian scene. i swear he looks so pretty. i mean yeah, cute little thing, very pretty. i cant take how flawless his face is, facial hair-less, like a baby's butt. i have nothing against him. isnt pretty a compliment? okay done. 10:07am. ready, go.

le bf in KL.

Dear Blog, its been 3 months since i updated you! and omg its been 12 hours since i last saw le bf who went to kl today without meeeeeee and this past 12 hours seems like more than 3 months, feels like forever. I'm so hopeless and needy i swear and i really don't know how I'm gonna survive when he goes to the army. i'll probably just rot and die. sigh. we made a promise today that we will never bring up the topic on breaking up ever again. i have this horrible habit of saying things like, "if u walk away, we're over" kind of thing. and i know its terrible and how unjust of me and you'd feel like u wanna give me a slap. yeah, sometimes my mouth springs out of control when I'm mad. and when I'm angry, i feel as though i can live without him, (don't we all feel that way?) but now when he's away, and I'm having a race in singapore and my finals are tmr and he's not around to witness it, gaaah, I'm so sad, i swear! :( get a life, aisyah. its only like 2 days, or 3, i don't know. now he tells me he'll be coming hm on monday, not sunday. :( im so pathetic, i had to google, "how to miss someone less" I KNOW RIGHT. okay, lets talk about other things in life. 1. work. there are days when i had to wake up at 430am, there are days when i have to leave school at 930pm. there are days when I'm on leave and yet still come to school. ahhh, work. i like my job. but it doesn't give me that kind of satisfaction i get when i row. i know i can't compare but i live by the motto, "i do what i love, i love what i do". i wouldn't say i love my job. i like it, and for me, thats good enough. like how the appraisal system works and when u get a C you shouldn't freak out because C is considered satisfactory and its a grade everyone gets normally. liking is already a strong word for me to use. i don't like jobs easily. so to be able to like my job and not get an mc like every week is good enough. i still wish i am able to be a full-time paid athlete. an olympian. like officially a professional athlete. why can't the govt see that? :( 2. rowing. yea, been rowing without a coach. the asia cup is like happening now. thurs and friday were the heats and repercharges, i reluctantly rowed the single sculls and tomorrow is my final b. the pair is in final a tomorrow and nic hopes for us to medal. and of cuz even when he doesn't say it, we want to medal. sometimes i wonder what he's thinking, that old man. sigh. and my single sculls, oh god, i really don't know why i can't seem to friggin row fast on the singles. i was going at SR 30 just now and my pair could pick up till 35. i love rowing. i really do. i don't know if id change sport :( i came across a quote today and it goes, "i honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate." fooh, strong words. but a part of me says, stay. the other says go. i can't decide. i hate myself sometimes. 3. everything else? hahaha. well work and rowing takes up like 98% of my life. and le bf probably about 100%. i know it doenst make mathematical sense but i don't care. almost went to bandung with mum but she's going to kl instead. :/ RACE TOMORROW I SHOULD BE SLEEPING. i still cannot believe they got halimah yacob to grace the event. lets just see how it goes tomorrow. "promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate." :)