today, positive psychology class felt more like a marriage class. we learnt about the dos and donts of relationships and marriages. we learnt how to communicate well with our spouses, how to establish a relationship that lasts, and how to be a good partner. and i was thinking, thinking, thinking. according to these theories, i SUCK as a gf. i wont go into details how much i fall into the YOU SUCK AS A GF category cuz its really saddening when i thought i was doing my best to be a good gf. its either not enuf or not good enuf. all i know is that theres lots to improve on. maybe, things really happen for a reason. lets just keep it that way. may Allah show us the right path. insyaAllah. :)

i dont know what kind of heart God gave you. you were nice to me when you wanted me, when u wanted me to stay, to wait for you. now that you dont, you talk to me like as though i never mattered. you tell me you've been busy, you're stressed, you've got all these sorts of problems but that doesnt mean that you deserve all the right to talk to me that way. youre not the only stressed person here. everyone has their own shitpile of work. its how you take matters into hand. its the same shit i hear year by year. ive been trying my best here not to hate you because its not in my nature to hate. and i deserve all the rights in the world to hate you because of the things you did to me. but i dont hate you. to me, it is an inevitable fact that u were once mine, i dont have the heart to treat you like sampah. but thats how i feel right now. i dont understand why you have to treat me like that. if i had a heart like yours, the world would already have known what you did and do you think you'll have the comfort of your home still? if i had a heart like yours, i'd rather die than living with such a black black heart. and by me mentioning this, you'll say im spiting you and in ur exact words "im used to it already. everytime i talk to you i get spited." i see. everytime huh. im setan what. everytime i spite you.
its not like i want you back. especially now that i know what kind of person you really are. i never wanted you back since i knew that i spent two yrs being hopeful for a guy who wouldnt stand up for me. i wont ever want to be with a guy who treats his ex like some i dont know- disease? i dont even know why i bother talking to you sometimes. i realised life's way better without you. i dont cry at night anymore. i dont have to wonder what you're up to. i dont have to be apprehensive about trusting u anymore. maybe because its the friendship i want to salvage. but if even talking to you as a friend got rude responses from you. then i might as well not. dont wanna go on hurting myself.
i wish good luck to whoever you meet next.
may she not be hurt by you,
and your black heart.
ustaz said its never too late to cleanse yr heart.
i never did say i had a pure, clean heart.
but what i do know is that i never treat my exes like shit.
i respect them for who they are or once were.
and i treat them like friends.
not like some bangkai you'd rather piss on.