if you ever had thoughts of cheating on ur partner, think again.
the repurcussions of cheating is awful.

you'll regret.
you apologize.
you seek forgiveness.
they forgive.
but they will never, ever forget.

if youve never been cheated on,
you'll never know what it feels like to have your heart ripped into two and you cant do anything to piece them back together. and healing takes a long, long time.
you'll never know what it feels to tell yourself over and over again that you hate that person but you know deep inside you still do love that person so much, you cant decide, you go crazy. you get depressed. and you allow them to destroy your life,
just like that.
and it takes months, and probably a yr or two to totally forget about that person,
maybe never.
you tell yourself you're strong.
when ur world inside crumbles beneath the facade ure hiding.
you date around pretending its okay,
when its not.

when you cheat,
you know you cant turn back time,
you know they dont trust you anymore
and you gotta work extra hard to gain that back.
when you cheat,
its a life of a person u once loved u take away.
and sometimes,
u'll never get back that person u once knew.

if you love someone, love that person wholeheartedly.
if youre not willing to,
dont go breaking people's heart.
its not a nice thing to do,
really.

cuz life feeds back truth in its own ways and time.
trust me.

an average person's attention span is this much:
<----------------------------------------------------------------->
recently, i discovered mine:
<-->
my aim is to bring it up to within this week:
<------->
bit by bit become big.
sikit sikit lama lama jadi bukit.

fasting makes u stronger,
a bit thirsty, yes, no doubt.
but stronger, definitely.

my brain just cant seem to accept that.
why oh why.
it cant be the setans cuz they're all chained up.
or is it cuz im old.
and weak.

then what, seriously, really, making me feel so so so so tired these days?
whats up with the world mama?

sticks out lower lip. je-back :(

if 65% of my brain goes to school, whereby 30% goes to health lab, 15% to developmental psych, 10% to PID, 5% goes to planet earth and forensic science each because they are not core modules, and the remaining 20% of my brain is geared towards YOG, 10% to my jobs as a personal trainer, a bootcamp instructor and a netball coach, with 33.33% each, and lets say i have 5% left for other nagging issues in my life, put them altogether they'll add up to 100% of my brain usage. if this goes on, i think i need another brain and another body, before my body crumbles and my brain deteriorates.
i need another Saiyidah Aisyah.
its not the money or fame im chasing.
graduate, get that degree, and then what?
honestly, i dont know what im chasing.
not even guys.
how do i even fit them into my life?
you tell me.
lets pray that this Ramadhan bring some good in our lives.
InsyaAllah.

sorry,
but i dont do this thing called trust anymore.

if i choose to trust, i choose love. and love means im prepared to get hurt.
honestly, im not prepared.
yes, i am a coward, but i dont want my heart to go tru whats its been thru again and again.
i told u this already.
im telling u again.

im waiting,
but im not ready.

---

its 7am lah dei. im waiting to go to school so i sempatzzz masok sini update, since i havent been doing so since 6 july. and of all the times in the world i have to update, i choose to do so this very morning.

i thought abt things ppl dont usually think about early in the morning. my brain works in ways i just couldnt fathom.

sometimes ppl worry cuz i dont think.
but sometimes i worry cuz i think waaaaayyy too much.

school's being a bitch, even though it just started.
i've been soooo looking forward to school, but i dont know why i just cant stay awake in lectures.
whats friggin wrong with me.
i feel like doing what my race does best, which is to quit school.
but its already my 3rd and final yr. i'll be such a loser if i give up now.

so tell me, what keeps you awake in class?
share your secrets. spill.
come on.

I NEED TO WAKE UP MY IDEA.

okay, off to school i go.

taa.