maybe rowing isnt everything

they say angry people say things they dont really mean.
so maybe he didnt mean to call me a liar, to tell me that he wished he could have said GO TO HELL to me, said that i have been doing RUBBISH for him, called me a FAILURE and a NOONE.
maybe he dint mean to hurt my feelings. it was just out of anger.
maybe i wasnt hurt by his words cuz he dint mean what he said, right?

or maybe i was so damn hurt, im just telling myself that he didnt mean it.
avoiding the truth, is the best way to avoid pain.
so why the hell did i cry when it wasn't hurtful and he didnt mean what he said?

maybe you dream of becoming the best in the world one day.
and they say no dream is too big.
and they tell you to dare to dream.
they give you all these false hopes.
and then u come to realise that there will never be a chance
that you can ever achieve your dreams.
unless u make MAJOR sacrifices,
u know they're not worth making.

the say passion beats anything to keep your dreams going strong.
is it?

i dreamt to row for singapore,
and my dream was fulfilled.
my goal was to win a medal in sea games,
and last year, my wish was granted.
and now, i dream to be an Olympian,
u snort, and laugh,
and u shake your head and say "dream on",
nothing, i told myself, can stop me from achieving my dream.
and i would have killed u if u have doubts about me being able to reach that level.

until Friday, 29th August 2008,
i realised that the world is cruel,
malicious,
vicious,
unfair,
and PAINFUL.

u cant make everyone happy.
u cant get everything u want.
in fact there are times when u get nothing u want and get everything u dont.
and the truth always hurts.

on friday, 29th august,
one old man can change the lives of many.
and one old man's words can kill you slowly.
and one old man can hurt you so bad,
he shattered my dreams, my hopes, my goals.

and how the hell am i supposed to tell myself that its okay?
and maybe its not meant to be?

or tell myself that he's angry and say things he doesnt mean?
how long more do i have to layan this old man?
until he pisses the shit out of me?

cruel, cruel world.
who dares to beg to differ?

run nus

i think everyone should run along the RUN NUS 10km route at least once in their lifetime.
its okay to be masochistic once in a while.
u wont be doing this very often.
if ure ever in need of a new running route and you havent tried the RUN NUS route,
tell me.
im not a sadist.
its not that i wanna see you suffer on the treacherous uphills and downhills and the winding roads of the route.
but, i wanna see you achieve things you never thought you could,
like what i did.

Saiyidah Aisyah (30007)

Your timing is 1 hr 16 min 51 sec
You rank 13th out of 45

my FIRST 10km race;
may it not be my last.

the best is yet to be.

(the best is yet tobe keperrr.)

they say no dreams are too big,
but i realised in singapore,
unless u play tabletennis,
you can kiss the to-be-an-Olympian dream goodbye.

cruel, cruel world.
face it.

allasiacup day one.

and today i rowed in my W1X heats.
and i came in last. i wasnt tired. i didnt even try.
it was such an embarassment.
they asked me how was it, and i had to say that i was last.
it wasnt about what people think,
but about what i think.
why didnt i train?
why didnt i try?
i gave up, totally. i have nothing to hide now.
what kind of athlete, ROWER in fact, cant take pain?
who gives up easily.
who makes it so easy for the rest to beat her.
i hate myself for the race today.
i hate myself for not even trying.
and he says why am i so pessimistic,
why do i put so much unnecessary pressure on myself.
and i say, cuz im a rower.
and i cant take defeats.
if i lose, i want to lose trying.
not giving up like what i did.
even if i lose, ill make sure they have to row hard to win.

tomorrow, i shall race.
today wasnt a race.
it was disgrace.

august.

okay lousy. i havent updated for ages. look what ive gone through.

• PBM Dikir Barat Collaboration with guys.
  
  

• UNITEN Invitationals 2008- Putrajaya.
  

the four of us went - me, guillaume, freddie and syahir.

syahir and freddie rowed in the doubles.

guillaume rowed in the mens singles.and i rowed in the women singles.

and yes, we had to wear a lifejacket.

Guillaume and me won our singles races. :)

we won RM100 each and this huge trophy. the exact same one i won last year. muahaha.

it was pretty annoying travelling with these 3 boys. we stayed at the UNITEN hostel which means i had to stay alone in the girls hostel which was about 30mins walk from the guys! i dint dare sleep alone in the room so i bunked in with this UTHM girl, Hana :)

okay, yes. muker slenger sorry.

we stayed there for 4 nights but my race was only on the last day. it was quite annoying. i was suddenly appointed team manager, more like a mother with 3 annoying nak kene sepak kids. not bad, one french, one chinese and one malay eksyen angmoh.

this is the eksyen ang moh one.


oh and it was guillaume's and freddie's first time in KL so we HAD to go sightseeing and look at the petronas. exciting, yo.

and the KL komuter train is MADNESS during rush hour. singapore's morning rush is nothing compared to this! giler. now i have KL-Komuter-o-phobia.

ooh and there was the Japanese university rowing team, Shiga Uni. they absolutely love to do that, sorry i cant resist it. and i blend in quite well, dont i? muahahaha.

they are adorable! and they did this really cute dance on stage during the dinner, or somewhat a cultural performance.

the malaysians did their 'hari kebangsaan' routine. the songs and dances u see every year on tv3 druing their national day.
and nicholas. there. he surely have something to say everytime our eyes meet. always finding faults in every single thing i do. scolded me in front of everyone, so much so that im already numb to his words. called me a failure, no leadership, no initiative. what not.

sigh.



and recently,

izzat invited me to SMU's and LaSalle's Rewind.Pause.Forward. A night of hot chicks and gorgeous hunks in baju melayus of yesteryear, today and the future.

and okay, i thought we looked hot too, dont u think?

(atiqah fairus and me were swooning over Khai the DJ guy from NUS, the one who appeared in CLEO's top 50 bachelor. yes!!! that one) hahaha. sorry i dont have a picture of him. nyaha. who needs khai when uve got him?

:)