running.

i am officially DARK, if not tanned. and proud of it. :)

im still rowing, everyday, mind you. no more weights cuz coach tapered off the training intensity cuz the races are just round the corner, 3 days to be exact. freaking 3 days. my first race will be on thursday. and if i somehow manage to get into the lightweight and if i'm still rowing on doubles with elsie then i'll have 2 events on that day. exciting or what. tell me abt it.

so my thighs have 3 colour tones now due to the different lengths of tights i wear for training and i know that was so unnecessary to announce but i thought u might as well know.

mum is still not allowing me to stay over at pandan for what shit reasons she has to give me. im annoyed. staying over would allow me to wake up at 7 instead of 5am. and would reduce my transport costs to about $4 a day and my food money as well. ergh.

so okay, i told my mum i wanted a power puff girls bedsheet cuz i saw one at the display bed at this furniture shop and i kinda like it. she went shopping for bedroom stuff the other day and told me that its not the ppg season now so she bought me barbie.

and it looked like this:

i know. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.

so okay. next time i'll go shopping for my own bedsheet alright.

last week i visited my nutritionist at sports council and she gave me quite a lot of stuff for my diet. 10 packets of Resource Plus, some Quaker Oats bars and Powerbars. i've been watching my weight like CRAZY for the past few days, eating so so much less it comes to a point where all i eat is yogurt and fruits and its FREAKING annoying to know how little nak mampos weight i lose and worse still finding out that i gained weight the next day, despite training 2 hours everyday and committing myself to an hour of run in the evenings. and to be extra careful even on how much water u consume cuz every farking ml counts. like the other day i was happily losing weight when one fine day after the hr long run i drank a lot cuz my throat was dry and i didnt feel like eating so i drank. and drank and drank and the next day even after trng i found out i gained one freaking kg. this is crazy shit, i tell you. faaarking crazy. and woohoo my family support comes up to NIL. mum still cooks the same way, fried chicken balls and nasi lemak that day. best. and my brother drank one packet of my Resource plus so i have 9 to last me for a week. power or what. its not that i dont like to share but this shit is so important to me. if u take one away, i'll have one less to last for my diet. then i'll be more hungry mungry :(

look at the portion of the home refrigerator i have to myself.

9 packets of Resource Plus, yogurt, Brands Innershine and a big bottle which is empty cuz im too lazy to refill it.

liquid diet consists of consuming 6 packets of this per day, and nothing else.

and it comes in 3 different flavours. exciting or wat.

syahir is prolly the only member of the family who's giving me the most support. like accompanying me run, even though its right before his malay exams. but he doesnt care abt malay.

and shaik got pregnant. he's a male seahorse.

and he's getting old too. look at his white hair.

dont start telling me not to pluck out white hair cuz it will make more white hair grow. bullshit. i did it way back in sec school and look, im white hair free now.

and i sooo gotta do my daily evening jog. sigh.

i cant wait for the race to be over.

oh please do come down and support me.

suffering but surviving.

pondering

aye.
im just waiting for evening to come by so i can go out and meet raf cuz i'm gonna watch pirates of the carribean with her, savvy? haha.
YES YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT!
she invited me to watch with her at the gala premiere tonight. (oh shit. my spelling is so bad i had to look up the online dictionary to check out how to spell premiere.)
yay yay. im gonna watch it tonightttt. yay yay im gonna watch tonight~
muahahaha. aisyah's so annoying, i know.
and it wont open until like what, next week? yay yay.
i love rafidah. i love rafidah. i love rafidah.
hahaha.
giler.
anyways, i've been going for training almost every morning. cuz the competition starts next week. NEXT WEEK! i still have some more weight to lose if not i couldnt qualify for the lightweight category. grar. been trying to cut down on my meals and shit. suffering? totally. but yesterday, i found out that i lost about a kg in 2 days so im quite happy. yay. absolute NO for stupid liquid diets which made me binge right after the diet sort of ended.i can say that im doing quite good. and i really do hope that i could do well for my race cuz i realised how much ive sacrificed for this.

the pressure is on. i can taste it at the tip of my tongue.

trainings have been okay and not so intensive cuz coach says i have to build up my endurance. quality, not quantity, he always says. sometimes, i wanna do well- for him. for coach. he's not say a perfect or best coach but for everything that he's done for me, for the past 2 years, i wanna repay them all by doing well, for this year at least. he may be stubborn and hypocritical at times but then to think again, so is my grandma and all the old ppl in the world. he can be pretty annoying when i row but thats just part and parcel of being an athlete. his programs are not the best, maybe not even good, but i know he tries so hard to make sure we all go out there and win something. the only major flaw i find in him is communicating with the athletes. he's not really into sports psychology and shit like training the mind of the athletes thats why i realised that i have to build up this aspect of myself on my own. that includes being strong psychologically, being mentally prepared for races and having the perseverance, determination and all that shit.

and that paragraph was so random but i thought well maybe he deserved some credit. haha.

so rowing for 2 hrs straight has become a norm. when i first started trng after the stupid accident, i found catching up damn hard. i cried everytime i rowed. fatigue starts to kick in, getting out of breath easily, the strong annoying winds that blow in all directions, the merciless sun shining so ignorantly brightly i can actually feel the heat burning my skin, bad techniques, slow pace, stupid PUB boat which creates massive waves, all kinds of excuses and things to blame i would find. and it made me feel terrible. like its all my fault that the accident had to happen. its my fault i wasnt wearing shoes while cycling. my fault that i couldnt row for 3 weeks. its all my fault. so i cried and cried. and cried. anger. sadness. misery. guilt. disappointment. depression. everything. and the program that i do most of the time is steady state for like 17km thats why when it gets quite sian (most of the time) i'll start to ponder about all these things. silly me.

but now i guess everything's going alright. even though i know my performance would be much much better if i hadnt had the accident but right now, this is the best i could do for myself.

oh but horrr. for the past 2 days when i walk into the training centre alone, ive been freaked out by banglas. my bangla-o-phobia's back to haunt me. yesterday one of them waited for me outside the gates leading into the rowing centre. i pretended to wait for a taxi and talked on the phone. i was so scared i cried while walking in. today, another bangla was staring at me when i walked past. he actually stopped cycling and stared at me you know! like gonna eat me up! i quickly walked up to the reservoir. and he cycled away. faaaark these people. another one and i swear im gonna complain. stupid people.

ergh.

whats with me and excessive crying anyway. too much oestrogen in my blood. not good. makes me look like a crybaby. sheesh.

anyway i was sitting on my couch just now doing absolutely nothing, (yes, i am that free.) when i suddenly thought of those good old secondary school days. sec 1 and 2 was when we hanged out alot at lot 1 after school having the major dilemma of where to eat forcing each other to decide a place, sharing stupid lame jokes, laughing like we own the place, laughed until our jaws hurt and we cried, chilling out watching chick flicks at elly's, playing with john2 who doesnt really like to play with us, eating elly's mum's yummy finger foods, taking the train together, talk loudly in the train, cheering competitions, practicing and rehearsing at random cck void decks, getting weird stares and complains by residences, yu hao as my partner, silly, garish, outrageous class tees we never wear them to go out now, me getting top 10 in class (wchich never happened again after sec1 and sec2) being in the best class, with the best people, having the bestest friends. best times. (oh shit. i feel like crying.) and now the guys are in army. the girls are working (or bumming around like me). miss ong yi pin is long gone but not forgotten (haha!). everyone has gone on their different ways, doing different things, at different places. sometimes i wonder if i am the only person who misses those days we spent together. will they even remember me in the next 10 years? imgaine if we have a class reunion in 2017. we'll prolly go with our husbands or wives and kids. omfg. so exciting.

sec3 and 4 were alot different. my class was detched from the rest cuz we had cabin classrooms. surrounded by smelly and pervetic boys who can talk all day abt sex and porn. in front of ME! being in a class filled with nerds and geniuses sometimes i wonder how i ended up there. the most annoying person sat next to me throughout 2 years but i still miss him tho. lesser hanging out at lot 1 cuz we mug quite a lot. being the only class to end school at 2.4opm (and shit i still remember) when other classes can end as early as 12.30pm. failing physics and amaths. being bottom 20 in class. pimples. white hair. pressure. countless past year papers. ten years series. whoa.

imagine zin htet 10 years later with a gorgeous burmese wife and junior kyaws. hahaha.

and will eben and shang long end up together?

will yi shin have a girlfriend for real?

try and visualise little shahrils!! omg.

one thing for sure, BP totally changed my life.

sniff.

aisyah's so emo these days. why ah?

gala gala premiere, gala gala syalala!

excited nyer. i wanna meet celebs. wonder who i can see tonight? taufik? hahaha.

random entry i know.. hoho.

dont be jealous im watching potc TODAY hor.

i love rafidah.

and the ha-lame girls.

and everyone else mentioned in the long grandmother stories above.

i met liyana at causeway point and i miss her.

and khadijah NEVER fails to send me a birthday card every year.

emo sey, minah.

married!

so mum got married.
so whats my type of family do i have now? ULTRA nuclear extended plus plus plus?
nyaha.
she's so happy. just look at her.

she was so happy, she cried.

my nenek was happy too.

so she striked a pose.

the makciks were elated,

they came and conquered the scene.

and i tried too hard to blend in.

everyone's happy. like shaik.

like my brother.

like me.

but there's a time to get down to business.

then we got hungry.

my brother went crazy.

so did i.

WE WANT FOOD!

after all the makcik-pakcik cam whoring session,

we had a feast.

and this is my nephew, Sameer Ali - the cutest creature alive.



THE END.

mum has a new husband.

i have a new stepdad AND

a new roomie.

i got chased out of the room i used to share with her.

and grandma watches indonesian programmes on TV 24/7.

exciting.

lets just be happy for her shall we?

she insists that i stay at home. no staying over at pandan. no hostel. nothing i do will ever make me change her mind. or is there another way i havent thought of?

and my stepdad's okay lah. his frequency may be far from mine (oh, u have NO IDEA.) but he's a nice guy. so my brothers and i laugh when he jokes cuz he's a nice guy. i dint say he was funny.

lalala.

im like 96.57% recovered now. my knee's fine except for the ugly scar. :( my toenail's growing. its halfway there. doesnt look gross anymore. no pus. no bandages. im freeeee! i can walk i can run i can skip i can jump i can wear socks and shoes and dance and fly. YAY.

i've been training hard. not yet EXTRA hard but at least i know ive been improving since the accident. so after the worst 3 weeks of my life living like a pig. when all i did was eat sleep limp around laze around complain whine. when my stamina went down to negative hundred. when my muscles transformed themselves into flabs. when i gained weight. now i feel super brand new. one session everyday. has successfully reset my biological clock to be able to wake up feeling refreshed at 5am. got my tan back (hurray). slowly getting the muscles, strength, stamina and all that shit back. but the only most annoying thing in the world is my weight which never seem to shed no matter how much i train, how little i eat, how much effort i put in losing it. ergh. and its like the most important thing in the world right now cuz if i dont reach the desired weight by june i cant compete and if i cant compete i wont be able to go SEA games.

now THATS bad.

my nutritionist (oh yes, i do have one. exciting isnt it?) planned a liquid diet for me last week cuz i told her that i cant seem to lose any weight. she gave me 12 packets of this drink thats supposed to make u feel full and top up ur vitamins, minerals give u carbo and protein and all the shit lah that u can find in normal healthy food. so i followed the diet plan religiously. drink 6 packets a day spread them out throughout the day evenly. no solid food for 2 freaking days. nothing else. only the so-called miracle water and plain water. and its supposed to make me lose weight. but it didnt okay. so my effort went down the drain like that. imagine not eating solid food for 2 days. the horror i tell u.

result: unsuccessful. totally, please.

went shopping with raf the other day. OH u must go shop. the great spore sale is around the corner, actually it has arrived. TANGS is a must go. me and raf bought the same white 3/4 skirt from isalnd shop which was $189 and slashed down to $9. freaking true. she was so happy lah. she bought 2 pairs of shoes from mondo for only $15. i had no mood for shoe shopping, YET, cuz my toe's not fully recovered. and daniel yam dressed going from $30 each. SO EXCITING. but too bad im kinda penniless cuz im not freaking working like my other friends cuz I CHOOSE TO ROW. what most of them earn for a day, is what i earn for a month. and im serious.

air force medical check up soon. my compass test results did not match up to be a pilot (hoho. so expected) so they put me in WSO.

got an interview for NIE next monday. its my FIRST interview after the As. i know many of u out there have been through many and some even claim they went through an interview marathon (my god!) so be happy for me can?

and i got accepted into FASS @ NUS and the sports science course i applied for in Edith Cowen Uni in Perth. everyone said i should just get my degree in singapore. even though sports science is what i really want. aiyah. to think is so leceh.

anyhooo.

i gotta run and lose all these babbbatttts.

AISYAH. can run.

weeeee.