like the first time u fell from a bicycle.
it happened so fast.
it was ur first time on a bicycle.
and u went out of control.
and u fell into the big monsoon drain.
u lost conscious.
when u woke up there was this good looking policeman touching ur face.
u saw ur dad kneeling next to u.
there were several other policeman looking down at u.
u were lying on the fading flower printed sofa in the police station.
ceiling fans.
the awful smell of alcohol.
the goodlooking one asked u to breathe out through your nose, hard.
u tried.
it hurts.
but u did.
u tasted blood.
u saw blood oozing from ur nose.
the tissue paper was soaked in blood.
u passed out.
that was what happened when u were 3.
yet u still remember the incident so clearly playing in ur mind.
like it happened yesterday.
amazing things our mind does.
and on easter sunday, 8th april 2007, it happened again.
it was the first time in years u rode a bicycle on the road.
u did. once. at pandan loop.
and u almost got hit down by a car, driven by this indian man, with 3 indian children in the car.
a maroon car. coming from your right.
it was scary shit.
he horned so loudly, it almost made u go deaf.
no more road cycling, u tell yourself.
but kids these days.
dont listen.
so stubborn.
just like you.
on that unfortunate sunday, u went cycling.
there was a steep slope.
he said, dont press the brakes.
he was at the back.
okay, u shouted, i wont.
u went down fast.
rapid.
then there was a hump.
you dint know what to do.
u pressed on the brakes.
instant reflex action.
and the next thing u knew, u were dragged on the ground.
for like 2 metres or more.
u lied there on the hot tar road.
not daring to move.
afraid.
u stayed still.
numb.
silent.
then u saw him running towards u.
u attempted to move.
knowing u're still alive.
thats when the pain started to seep in insiduously.
u looked down on ur left toe.
the big toe.
it was soaked in blood.
that was when u realised,
the toe nail wasnt there.
that was when u felt,
the most excrutiating pain.
ever.
u cried.
u screamed.
u couldnt take it anymore.
u dint know what to do.
mr good samaritan walked over.
drove u to the hospital.
ur foot was bleeding so badly.
his car was bloody.
it was so so so so
painful.
u couldnt stop crying.
faces u've never seen before we staring right at u.
they know they cant do anything.
but they kept on telling u that everything will be okay.
but u know it wont be okay.
u cried.
and cried.
and u took a glance at the mirror in front of you.
and u saw the abrasion on your left jaw.
red and raw.
u looked away.
and continued crying.
like the world's gonna end.
its okay, they say, relax.
like its that easy.
when u reached the hospital,
more strange faces were watching u cry.
u cried like it didnt matter.
u didnt cared how ugly u looked.
how terrible u sounded.
how many people were looking,
how many people were watching.
hopelessly.
helplessly.
u just wanted the pain to go away.
the blood from your nail-less toe went
drip
drip
drip
the cleaner had to mop the floor
twice
u couldnt take it anymore
the wait was too long.
the pain was unbearable.
u cried loudly.
the nurse gave u 2 jabs of painkiller.
u waited some more.
they took an xray of ur injured foot.
blood was still oozing out from the wound.
it was sick.
so sick, when ur dad saw he almost passed out.
u waited some more.
at the operating theatre,
u waited some more.
they draped a woolen blanket over u cuz the OT was freezing.
ur wounds on ur knuckles an elbows got stuck to the blanket.
it bled when u peeled them off.
the blanket was stained with dried blood.
u waited
u cried
u fell asleep
the doctor came
jabbed anaesthetic on the nail-less toe.
which hurts like fuck.
3 times.
it was the most painful shit ever.
thinking about it makes u squirm, even now.
makes ur toe throbs in pain.
that was the ultimate.
u swear, u cried, u swear u'll never want that feeling ever again.
it was too painful.
fuck.
then ur toe went numb.
u were crying silently under the blanket.
praying that it'll be over soon.
hoping that the doc dint have to jab again.
then it was done.
u dared not look at ur toe.
with the artificial nail stitched onto it.
the nurse cleaned up ur wounds.
bandaged ur knuckles, wrists and elbows.
and the big one on ur knee.
and the toe.
u felt so much better after like 5 hours.
u went out of the OT.
laughing.
and crying at the same time.
7 bandages.
wheelchair bound.
paracetamol.
antibiotics.
12 abrasions.
3 bruises.
and a bleeding toe.
the blood never stopped flowing.
like how u never stopped crying.
no rowing.
no running.
no training.
competition in june.
sea games in december.
look on the bright side, they say.
be strong.
you'll be okay soon.
soon will take weeks.
or even months.
physical wounds will heal.
scars will stay.
but time waits for noone.
u want this shit to be over,
please.
u want to row.
u must row.
u have dreams to achieve,
goals to reach.
nothing can stop u.
when u fall, u have 2 choices:
stay down or get up.
make ur choice.
080407
the day that changed my life.
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