i have this stupid cough which almost made me pass out a few minutes ago. crying didnt help much. why dint i just passed out and die? it would make the world a better place for everyone. insurance money, less whining and complain, and sports council doesnt have to fork out thousands of dollars for my surgery.

my knee doesnt hurt any more in fact it hasnt given way for the longest time. its not good. it pissed me off cuz im gonna spend 9months not being able to play sports and now i dont feel an itch on the knee. full recovery after surgery takes 9months. stop brooding, they say. but sports is the only thing im good at and the only thing that makes my stress go away. now that i cant do any bloody exercises, u want me to be happy about it? yea yea dont start with the 'stay optimistic' bullshit. im an athlete and ive lost a part of my life. how do u want me to be myself now? and with school work, project meetings, presentations, having to travel all the way to kallang for rehab and physio then back to school at the other end of the world for class- life currently sucks.

and stop it with the 'ure not in this alone' shit. u have no idea how much it sucks to see myself not exercising, giving a million and one excuses, brooding, complaining, being so bitchy, perpetually moody.

i admit it, im brooding. im such a loser. what kind of athlete am i?

oh wait. what kind of athlete is sportless?
my kind.
i dont deserve to be called one.

its just too much things to take and its only february.
if i annoy you cuz im weak, why dont u just come shoot me.
id rather be dead.
i cant stand myself like this.
i feel sorry for myself.

lets have one less weakling in the face of this earth.
the fittest will survive, remember?