pain

today i rowed in the doubles with elsie during training.
not being mentally prepared was a BIG mistake.
training was crazy.
when i couldnt take it anymore i screamed at the top of my lungs.
when the intervals finished,
i cried,
and cried like nothing else matters.
i didnt know why the fark i cried,
but i did.
for like a minute.
then i stopped, caught my breath and
rowed.

and this is only the start.

it hurts so much,
my mind went numb.

i chose this life, i gotta deal with it.

i went running after buka.
its been ages since i ran at the stadium.
woodlands wellington was having a friendly with a malaysian club.
after my run, i felt good.

i finally found what ive been missing these past few months,
a source of motivation.


eureka.

meanwhile,
im gonna endure the pain that will definitely come tmr.
its gonna hurt like hell,
but i have to hang on.
to overcome.

I HATE BEING THE WEAKER.