rowing issues, what else?

YOU'RE NOT WEAK, bitch.

im not supposed to be here cuz im supposed to be studying.

but whatever.

last week was faarking hectic. there was the psych test then the deadline for the psych essay. psych 100 qn mcq test was tricky. the negative marking scheme's really cunning. aisyah so bobo dint ans 30 qns. i couldnt think what was the best choice, to ans or not. then the guy next to me introduced himself to me at the end of the test just to tell me that he calculated the chances of him having right or wrong answers and the probability of him having what shit what nots. he was giving me FIGURES, i swear. i was kukufied. uhh. malaysian scholar. what do u expect. HAH!

the psych mid term essay qn was given to us ages ago but i didnt bother doing it until 2 nights before the deadline. the earliest i went to bed last week was 1am and the latest at 4am and i wake up at 5am every morning, without fail. i try not to complain.

still trying.

OH! the new coach's arriving tomorrow night. i know my fellow teammates are so looking forward to having her around during trainings but sorry, im not. maybe i am, a little but not excited at all. the first thing she want us to do is to push our training sessions earlier. early this yr, we start at 8, a few months back we start at 7.30 and recently, we have been starting training at 7am and now she wants us to start at 6.30am.

if u're feeling that way, imagine how i feel.

just thinking about it makes me wanna cry.

i better make sure all this shit loads of sacrifices are worth it.

i better.

dont even mention hari raya to me.

im flying off to korea on the night of raya itself.

will be back a week later and flying off to thailand the next day.

once im back here again, exams will be round the corner.

so much for raya.

ive been going for physioterapy with elsie at the sports council. cuz we're having co-ordination problems in the boat.

i do realise that me and elsie are totally 2 different people. we're of the same ht but i have longer legs and she has a longer body. we're humans but she's way stronger than me. but that doesnt make me weaker. its 2 different things.

in physio, ive learnt to use my lats muscles instead of my biceps to row.

ive learnt to control my pelvic bone.

ive learnt to balance myself on a swiss ball using my lower abs.

and ive also learnt that no matter how good i am, elsie is always better.

i know its not the best thing to say after attending like a gazillion and one motivational talks but sometimes the truth just hurts. and u just have to accept it.

the first time my physioterapist called me weak, i felt like whacking him to pieces, i swear. he almost made me cry, in fact right after physio when i was changing in the toilet i shed a tear or two. but this, u dont tell anyone cuz its embarrassing, but to think of it, why paiseh?

talent without humility is wasted, bebeh.

eventually, i took it as a form of motivation for me to work harder. okay, he still does call me weak but now, everytime he says that four letter word, i'll roll my eyes. I'll prove you wrong, you wait and see. goes out to the world as well.

dont EVER mess wimme.

dont say i dint warn you.

i went geylang the other night with shaik, which was one of those very few nights i dont feel like shit and not dying. i was in fact so bloody energetic right till i reached home at 12 plus and hoho mum wasnt angry i rached home after 12. im a good girl, it seems. im happy. okay so u all know that aisyah can never buy an already made on the racks baju kurung cuz it'll never fit me perfectly. i can never find baju kurung with sleeves that covers my wrists. so i went hunting for raya shoes and i actually found a pair that i adore and it only comes in MY size. it was like a dream come true. huhu. and its lawa. i like. im happy.

i went for the sea games preparations workshop this morning. it was exciting cuz u get to see all the national athletes altogether! i was sitting next to the rugby boys. TELL ME ABOUT IT! haha. ho-ho-hot stuff.

they had talks about lots of stuff. nutrition, recovery, admin matters, media talks, doping tests, motivational talks, lalala. i managed to keep myself awake truout the whole 4hrs event. i mean, seriously, if u have ruggers sitting next to u do u think u can fall asleep? HAHA.

oh and the motivational talks were pretty interesting. one thing's for sure, it made me feel grateful for being there, sitting with the rest of the national athletes, being among one of them going for the sea games, hey, representing the nation, bebeh. of course thats just the surface, thats what the masses see, thats what u see. like WAH national athlete. WAH free travelling. WAH prestige. its WAH in a way or another. i sometimes think that way too like WAH i never imagined i get to go to germany without paying a single cent. what they dont see is the kind of shit, pantat and taik goreng campur babi floss we have to go tru to get that WAH status. one way or another, yeah, not anyone can easily take my position or even wanna be in my position, not everyone wants to wake up in 5 in the morning to train for 3 hours when ure fasting and wait hor 10 hours till u can eat or drink. not everyone would want to put sports before everything else like education, family and hari raya. not everyone's willing to sacrifice. and whoa to think of it, i did it.

they call it love, i call it passion.

well sometimes i call it CRAP but just dont tell them. haha.

lets see if i can survive next week.

i need to find a source of motivation.

and a support group.

shaik said that if training really starts at 6.30 every morning and i continue sleeping late, i would be dead the next time i see him.

i couldnt agree more.

the rower,

the masochist,

aisyahhh.

prove them wrong.

PROVE THEM WRONG.