le bf in KL.

Dear Blog, its been 3 months since i updated you! and omg its been 12 hours since i last saw le bf who went to kl today without meeeeeee and this past 12 hours seems like more than 3 months, feels like forever. I'm so hopeless and needy i swear and i really don't know how I'm gonna survive when he goes to the army. i'll probably just rot and die. sigh. we made a promise today that we will never bring up the topic on breaking up ever again. i have this horrible habit of saying things like, "if u walk away, we're over" kind of thing. and i know its terrible and how unjust of me and you'd feel like u wanna give me a slap. yeah, sometimes my mouth springs out of control when I'm mad. and when I'm angry, i feel as though i can live without him, (don't we all feel that way?) but now when he's away, and I'm having a race in singapore and my finals are tmr and he's not around to witness it, gaaah, I'm so sad, i swear! :( get a life, aisyah. its only like 2 days, or 3, i don't know. now he tells me he'll be coming hm on monday, not sunday. :( im so pathetic, i had to google, "how to miss someone less" I KNOW RIGHT. okay, lets talk about other things in life. 1. work. there are days when i had to wake up at 430am, there are days when i have to leave school at 930pm. there are days when I'm on leave and yet still come to school. ahhh, work. i like my job. but it doesn't give me that kind of satisfaction i get when i row. i know i can't compare but i live by the motto, "i do what i love, i love what i do". i wouldn't say i love my job. i like it, and for me, thats good enough. like how the appraisal system works and when u get a C you shouldn't freak out because C is considered satisfactory and its a grade everyone gets normally. liking is already a strong word for me to use. i don't like jobs easily. so to be able to like my job and not get an mc like every week is good enough. i still wish i am able to be a full-time paid athlete. an olympian. like officially a professional athlete. why can't the govt see that? :( 2. rowing. yea, been rowing without a coach. the asia cup is like happening now. thurs and friday were the heats and repercharges, i reluctantly rowed the single sculls and tomorrow is my final b. the pair is in final a tomorrow and nic hopes for us to medal. and of cuz even when he doesn't say it, we want to medal. sometimes i wonder what he's thinking, that old man. sigh. and my single sculls, oh god, i really don't know why i can't seem to friggin row fast on the singles. i was going at SR 30 just now and my pair could pick up till 35. i love rowing. i really do. i don't know if id change sport :( i came across a quote today and it goes, "i honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate." fooh, strong words. but a part of me says, stay. the other says go. i can't decide. i hate myself sometimes. 3. everything else? hahaha. well work and rowing takes up like 98% of my life. and le bf probably about 100%. i know it doenst make mathematical sense but i don't care. almost went to bandung with mum but she's going to kl instead. :/ RACE TOMORROW I SHOULD BE SLEEPING. i still cannot believe they got halimah yacob to grace the event. lets just see how it goes tomorrow. "promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate." :)