worst day ever.

everyone has that day they wish didnt happen. it could be the day their 7 years relationship with the person they thought they'd spent their life with broke apart. it could be the day their boss told them to leave the company and never come back. it could be the day theyre inches or miliseconds away from winning a million dollars.
i wish today didnt happen.
i wish i didnt had to come back from bali.
but it happened, and yes,
i did come back, safely.
bali was a getaway ive been longing for, something i thought i deserve to reward myself for the achievements i had for the sea games. but noone ever mentioned to me it isnt fun to go on a holiday when your pockets are dried. well maybe my boyfriend did but i wasnt paying much attention cuz i really wanted to go, to just get away from life for a little while. and in the end he gave in and was happy to send me off at the ariport. okay, happy wasnt the right word to use but he was just being happy for me. more like it. thank you, sayang.
bali came and went.
and there i was, at changi airport, saying hello once again to life.
mind you, i love my life.
i love my boyfriend, i love his family, i love his cats, i love my legs, i love the fact that i found rowing and it has played a huge part of my life. i love my family, or whatever is left of it. i love how peaceful our country is i dont go around telling the world i love singapore because honestly i dont want to bring my future children up here, but yes, i love my life.
but life isnt what it is without the drawbacks and the problems and its challenges.
when i came back, things started to look bad, one at a time.
-mum nagged at me saying things along the lines of "i think im old enough to do whatever i want". im old enough not to retaliate. so i just closed my eyes, and listened. and think about how painful rowing is as compared to sitting here listening to her.
-my unpaid hp bills which starhub is supposed to waiver off but theyre taking ages to settle. making me really, awfully, utterly disgusted at their inefficient service.
-mendaki is asking back for their money they lent it to me to pay for my uni. and while im at it, yes, thank you for your money, mendaki, but i still dont understand why im not eligible for the bursary and why that guy who lives in a condo gets full bursary. thus, i will remind myself that when i find a job i will strike my name off the list of contributors to the mendaki fund. not because im selfish but because they dont deserve it. theres no point arguing about it or making a big hoohaa about it because nothing will change unless the whole organization itself changes. but it wont happen anytime soon so i'll save the effort for something more worth the while. i'll contribute to other associations insyallah but not this one
-DBS is asking for its money back too. thank you DBS for helping me pay for my acer laptop which i am gladly still using since 2007.
-im still jobless. i've turned out all the part-time job offers because i am so ready to find a full-time job and im not going to change my decision about this. but job hunting is killing me. and if you think being a degree holder is any better, its not
-the prison officers ive been training the whole years just told me that they found someone to replace me for the rest of the sessions because im always skipping their lessons and that "always" was when i was in korea, jakarta and recently, bali. wow. great people i work with, huh.
-im nowhere near ready for the Olympic qualifications in April which i really want to go for, since i feel good after the races at the sea games. but looking at how the organization runs here, considering the fact that im not training everyday and now im looking for a full-time job which i know is top priority because im dead broke, 2012 looks bleak.
-you can fill the whole Indian Ocean in my bank because thats how empty it is.
-i cried for a whole hour about all these and then i stopped

stupid bitch, stop crying, if today didnt happen, you wouldn't stop and think about all these issues that has been bothering you since the year started. you know this day would come and life is here to shove at your face what you have left behind when you chose rowing over everything else. this is the path you chose so live with it. you have two choices, stay down there and brood for the rest of the night and then throughout your life too or do something about it.