life has been running on routine mode:
wakeup-train-rest-train-eat-sleep.
wakeup-train-rest-train-eat-sleep.
wakeup-train-rest-train-eat-sleep.
waking up as early as 5am is now a norm to me and i'll feel weird if i dont do anything in the morning. like that day i woke up kinda late- ard 7am (yes, waking up at 7am is pretty late for me) and i went to work feeling shit tired cuz i didnt do anything in the morning. I KNOW.
training has been tough,
not crazy,
not yet.
but tough training is good, it makes me feel satisfied. good training makes the day worth living by. like what Gay used to say "you shouldnt feel refreshed after training." she's right. especially on saturdays. 5 hours on water. woohoo. afterwards, we'll all feel shagged like hell, but it feels worth it.
do i sound retarded?
rowers. have. no. life.
or maybe, we do have a life. a life that noone else can ever, ever get until they become a rower themselves.
oarsome.
but,
sometimes, just sometimes, when my mind starts to wander, i'll be asking myself if i should have stayed as a teacher. what i miss most is that paycheck on the 12th of every month. not having to worry about money. it was a good feeling, but well, good things have to come to an end right? and im letting good things go for something even better! right right right?
i guess.
sometimes, i wonder if im fooling myself.
but looking at how much i improve everyday on water, or on the erg, (even if i dont improve), looking at my weight going down, closer to being considered a lightweight rower (female lightweight is 59kg tops, mind you- which falls under my unhealthy weight range) i guess, quitting wasnt a bad thing after all. i look forward to every training. and of course, with every training, comes the opportunity to see his face. honestly, i dont know where i'll be and what i'll do without him.
yes, him.
the one who brought me back to rowing.
the one who need not shout at me to tell me to row faster or not give up or tell me that im fast or good or awesome because i know that he believes in me- every 172cm of me. :)
(and yes, today at the hospital, i found out that i was 172cm GOD SAVE ME DID I JUST LOSE 1CM OFF MY HT?)
boo.
but what i do know is that my wingspan is LONG! longer than my height! woohoo fast fact of the day!
okay, i know sometimes i feel like a pile of goondoomuthusamy when i get mad at him for not pushing me on or being proud of me, but that would have to be the PMS.
like what i learnt today:
"Its okay if someone doesnt love you the way you want them to, cuz that doesnt mean they dont love you with all that they have."
how sweet.
and now that school has started for him, ive been pretty alone. i know im such a loser. coming home from training, lying on my bed just lazing around, sometimes if i feel hardworking i'll clean my room (like what i did yesterday! *pats on my back*), i'm planning to learn how to cook and maybe find another job or two, or maybe even pick up a new hobby like honing my natural talent on the keyboard (I LEARNT TO PLAY LADY GAGA'S BORN THIS WAY ON THE PIANO IN A NIGHT! now its time to learn how to sing + play at the same time cuz my multi-tasking skill is DISGUSTING) and start volunteering. (OMG ambitious much, babe.) my life has been falling in place nicely. sometimes i miss him too much all i wanna do is sleep (do i sound 14?). im broke for a 22 year old but you know, im doing what i love most, with the person i love most and, IM NOT COMPLAINING. life has been good since i left school, alhamdullilah. and i know more exciting things await me :D
and OMG TALKING ABOUT BEING 22 (i dont know- i get excited too easily nowadays) today is my last day being 22. i know theres nothing to be excited about growing old- i didnt say i was excited that tomorrow's my birthday. its just that, it doesnt feel like those good old days anymore when you bite your nails awaiting for the big day to come wondering what your friends have bought for you and get all mad cuz you dont receive as much presents as the previous year. these days, birthdays seem to be just another day when you grow older. thats it.
and really, really, really, im not wishing for anything spectacular. all i wanna do is have a good dinner with my loved ones- my family and you. seeing my family eating together beats anything. and honestly, if there was something you wanna get me, im sorry but i cant help you there cuz theres absolutely nothing material that i have in mind. what i really do want is a Gold Medal in the SEA Games and to recover fast and well after my surgery.
and yes, surgery is on the 25th of April. doctor says its best to remove the screw in my knee as it has been causing me alot of pain. i'll give myself a month to recover, and i'll be more awesome than now. insyaAllah.
happy early 23rd, aisyah. :)
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