maybe rowing isnt everything

they say angry people say things they dont really mean.
so maybe he didnt mean to call me a liar, to tell me that he wished he could have said GO TO HELL to me, said that i have been doing RUBBISH for him, called me a FAILURE and a NOONE.
maybe he dint mean to hurt my feelings. it was just out of anger.
maybe i wasnt hurt by his words cuz he dint mean what he said, right?

or maybe i was so damn hurt, im just telling myself that he didnt mean it.
avoiding the truth, is the best way to avoid pain.
so why the hell did i cry when it wasn't hurtful and he didnt mean what he said?

maybe you dream of becoming the best in the world one day.
and they say no dream is too big.
and they tell you to dare to dream.
they give you all these false hopes.
and then u come to realise that there will never be a chance
that you can ever achieve your dreams.
unless u make MAJOR sacrifices,
u know they're not worth making.

the say passion beats anything to keep your dreams going strong.
is it?

i dreamt to row for singapore,
and my dream was fulfilled.
my goal was to win a medal in sea games,
and last year, my wish was granted.
and now, i dream to be an Olympian,
u snort, and laugh,
and u shake your head and say "dream on",
nothing, i told myself, can stop me from achieving my dream.
and i would have killed u if u have doubts about me being able to reach that level.

until Friday, 29th August 2008,
i realised that the world is cruel,
malicious,
vicious,
unfair,
and PAINFUL.

u cant make everyone happy.
u cant get everything u want.
in fact there are times when u get nothing u want and get everything u dont.
and the truth always hurts.

on friday, 29th august,
one old man can change the lives of many.
and one old man's words can kill you slowly.
and one old man can hurt you so bad,
he shattered my dreams, my hopes, my goals.

and how the hell am i supposed to tell myself that its okay?
and maybe its not meant to be?

or tell myself that he's angry and say things he doesnt mean?
how long more do i have to layan this old man?
until he pisses the shit out of me?

cruel, cruel world.
who dares to beg to differ?