Courage.

Word of the week.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

I really like that.

This week, I've told my boss, my boss's boss and my colleagues about me taking a 12-weeks break from work. It took a whole lot of courage to do that. Why?
Because I am afraid of rejection.
I am afraid of people bringing me down with their words.
But I shouldn't be right?

I was walking around Causeway Point yesterday, one of those rare days I'm alone, and even rarer that I'm at CWP alone. And I thought to myself as I see this large amount of people as they pass me by, I'm not like them. I wake up at 530am everyday to train. I dont have time to chill, or relax, or enjoy, or shop. I'm different. And I think that's what makes my life so, special. So fulfilled. Being different from most of the people around me. Not superior. I don't think I'm superior in anyway. I just like the feeling that I'm different and that I have achieved so much in my life and I think I'm cool like that. LOL. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for all the things that have happened to me. Good, bad, horrible, amazing. I think life has its way of teaching us things we never thought we can learn from schools or from textbooks, or from the internet. And I'm grateful for this womderful sport that have changed my life altogether. I dont ever think I can be the same without this Rowing.

So, as I told my colleagues about my decision to leave them, I'm so grateful that they understand. Although I know it will be tough on them for a bit as they have to share the burden that I'm leaving but I think it eases my heart a bit to know that they are supporting me.

When I left MOE, it was an easy peasy decision to make cuz I didn't enjoy my life there. My colleagues were horrible, their friendliness were fake as hell and my job wasnt satisfying. I love my job here, I love my colleagues. I love the fact that I can train and work. Although even that took a lot of courage to seek for allowance to do so. But I guess if I don't make the effort, or if I don't step forward, I will never move. I will never improve. I will never win.

I will fully accept that every action I make has its consequence. There will be more work when I come back. Definitely. I guess I have to do what I ought to do. Right now, its to train so hard that in SEA Games, I am unbeatable. I wanna be that. And I will be that. InsyaAllah.