heartbroken.

It's one of those days, those moments, those seconds in life that u wish didn't happen. But u can't run away from the fact that it did happen. And when it did, all u wanted to do was to go back to the comfort of your home, face buried in your pillows and cry. Cry so loud u don't friggin care if the neighbors complain, let the police put u behind bars for public nuisance, may the court sentence u to a lifetime imprisonment. As long as u don't have to face this cruel, cruel world anymore.
I want to run away, fly to as far as I can, bring the people I love with me, get away from this country. Leave my misery behind. Start anew.
I'm so brokenhearted. I feel so distressed. So lost and confused and. And. I don't know. Im just so sad, Astaghfirullahalazim.
No, it's not Nadzrie. He's still with me and may we be together till the end of time, inshallah. In fact, he did the right thing today. To let me cry my eyes out, and hug me till I feel a tad better. Not asking, not telling me to stop crying. Thank you, sayang.
It's about my sport. And when my gym trainer told us, "if we continue to not have a coach, we cannot gym anymore." it was the most heartbreaking thing I've heard in years, masyallah. It hurts me so deep, my god. I immediately broke down in tears. Why, why do u take away things I love from me? One by one. Slowly. Insidiously. Taking everything away from me. My life. First rowing, now this.
I must fight for what I deserve. It's been too long waiting. Too much of doing nothing. I can't sit here watching my life crumble in my hands right before my eyes, not doing anything but to complain. I have to stop depending on people. I must fight for myself. I must be strong.
I know I have sailing, and I like it. It's hard, but I know with so much effort, I'll be really good in it. But time, oh time, work, oh god. With the kind of work I do, it's tough for me to train. It's not impossible, but hard. I must do something about this. I will. Inshallah. Things will change around here. They should. They must. Inshallah they will.
Keep me strong, oh God. Keep my will strong. With you, I shall soar.