hey

its only the third day of school and my energy level's hovering at zilch.
my last sem- did my last module bidding, filed for graduation, converted my module and lets just hope everything goes well enuf, I'll be graduating in 4 months. InsyaAllah. I cant wait, cant u tell?
yay?
i know. im still in this stupid annoying mood.
and i dont even know what im feeling anymore- tired? angry? sad? depressed? bodoh?
ugh.
okay monday first day of school went pretty okay. 8am class. yeah, tell me abt it. after that i had a looong break (i refused to count how long it was until yatay was like "Aisyah you have a 6hr break?" and i was like "omg. 6 hourssss!") yup. so i went for hot yoga alone, went back to school, ate lunch with yatay, talk talk talk and we realised that we're gd at giving each other advices but when it comes to our own problems, we're hopeless i tell you. went to next class alone (some einstein weirdness shit which almost made me fall asleep.) that was 4-5ish then i went home and went to run with syahir for like 50mins, covered like 7.15km. which was really rejuvenating, Alhamdullilah. and that was my monday.
on tuesday i had class from 12pm-9pm. with a 2 hr break in between, thats when i visited the dean's office to file for my graduation and thats where i met the rude receptionist but i was too tired to like fluster over such a person not worth my energy so i let her be rude, took a seat, and waited, just to submit 2 pieces of paper and leave. i think im seriously not an afternoon person. falling asleep in drugs and society class (just cuz i was alone) but was wide awake during adol psych (maybe cuz amir was sitting next to me and we were in 2nd row). finally got friend in class. yeah. am i that pathetic? ugh.
anyway 6-9pm seminar, lvl 4 mod- positive psychology. which was pretty scary at first cuz i was the only yr 3 amidst the honours students and even yr 5s! i know right. but i made a friend cuz we had to introduce to each other, but she was pretty nice. and class wasnt so bad. but the lecturer was pointing out to us the workload which includes an essay a week for 10 weeks. haha. oh well. its not everyday u get to take a lvl4 psych mod when ure in yr3 u know? yelah.
and today i woke up at 5am in the morning, left home at 6am, took 168 at 6:15am, reached tampines at 7am, reached yumin priamry at 7:15am. on time okay. im proud of myself. netball coaching went good. i think i was born to do this shit. haha. then i went for rehab where i told steve not to torture me cuz i want to walk for the next few days cuz last week he made me do 300 leg presses and dontknowhowmany walking lunges and i swear even sitting was torture for a week. i told steve abt my suffering and he said "thats what i call a good trng". okaylah, as long as u are hepi.
and one of the trainer asked me just now, "so have you thought abt which sport you want to join?" sigh.

no.

OMG, i actually recalled every single thing in my life, whats wrong with me. everything. i used to tell every single thing to him, but now he's gone so can you please shut up and move on, thank you. :(

i have to agree with everyone, i suck at moving on. im an emotional wreck, a loser, stubborn ass. ugh. aper ni maki hamun diri sendiri. haha. now im schizo. and i realised i have absolutely no account of how i got over my other exes. so i dont know how i used to do it, but right now, i tell you, its painful-to let go. like a big piece of hard shit thats stuck in ur rectum and it hurts like hell to let it go- yah, like that.

but today i went to ljs to buy lunch which i ate at home alone. (am i using too much "alone"?) and when i got home i got free potato-skin chips some mat working in the ljs kitchen must have put in for me, or some girl (who likes girls) could have done it, i wont be surprised. or maybe they accidently put it in, but whatever it is it made my day-a little, i think.
and in a bit, im gonna leave for another netball session until like 6 plus and after that to pandan where there'll be a rowing meeting. uhhuh, my day's not even half done and im so tired, i was sleeping like a log in the train just now. :(
and i seriously have to get out of this mood before i die. they say time will heal but time is moving so friggin slow when it comes to this. sigh.

sometimes i wonder whats he doing, how his day has been going, what work he has to do, whether he misses me or not. and there's nothing else to look forward to at the end of my days, other than doing work at home. GAAAAAH.
okay, i shall stop i shall stop i shall stop.

but how long more do i have to pretend that everything is okay,
when its not?

i just want to get over this, please God, please help me. :(

dah, bye.