realizations.

recently, i realised im a nicer gf to my poor little sayang. i know i havent been the best gf in the world i dont give him the nicest treatment, in fact he's always the first to get it when im having pre-pms, pms and post-pms so he actually gets my moody days 3/4 of the month which leaves only 1 week of fun joy and laughter. i kid you. im not mean all the time, am i? okay, but seriously, recently, i realized that you know, emma watson's quite pretty and im starting to like her, so theres no need to feel jealous or anything if she's on my bf's wallpaper and not my face. its okay. maybe i can put ryan gosling on mine. or hassan sunny, or more ryan gosling. and ryan gosling. and yes ryan gosling. hahahah. yea, so i think im starting to become more understanding, i hope. like there was twice when we either talked about his ex gfs or we even saw one of them at my colleague's wedding, and she actually came up to him to say hi when i wasn't looking. but u know, i was pretty okay with that. i mean, why do i have to be insanely jealous? it should be them who should be cutting up my photos and pasting them on their bedroom walls throwing darts on them. am i revealing too much about what i do to their photos? HAHAHAHA. nolah, im not psychotic. a bit obsessive, i know, but its good for each other to know that, we're so frikkin in love with each other that we're obsessed over each other. yea, i know. it feels empty when i dont get to see him for a day. like theres something amiss. but hello, next year when he's enlisted in army, jeng jeng jeng, i'll be the most depressed human being in the world. that being said, we're celebrating our 2nd anniversary next week, insyaallah. 2 years siol. and one day, im gonna be so good in FIFA and Winning Eleven that he has absolutely no chance of beating me and making me cry. yes, im THAT competitive, cant you tell? but i know im better than him at some things like air hockey and You Dont KNow Jack. -- okay, enough about him. recently, im still having this humungous (is that how u spell it???) dilemma about whether to stick with rowing or switch to sailing. I KNOW RIGHT IM STILL AT IT CAN YOU BELIEVE IT WHY CANT I JUST FRIKKIN MAKE UP MY MIND AND FRIKKIN STICK TO MY DECISION? i dont know. really. im not a risk taker kind of person. but ive been praying and praying and oh God praying so hard every single day that God will show me the best path to take. insyaallah He will, one day. -- WORK HAS BEEN CRAZY, as usual. and i miss rowing like every single frikkin day of my life. i really do. i miss being really fit and fast. now im like fat and a blob. sigh. its almost 10 months ive been working here. and there's already so much on my plate, which is a good thing, but not a good thing for athletes. i dont know, this work-life balance thing is all bullshit. :( but you know what? if i sit here and just continue to complain about how things are not working out right, it will never go right. sometimes i really wish my life is just work and family and i exercise just to keep fit. but oh well. i guess sometimes its a good thing to be thinking about training, time trails and competitions, yea?